Options

Single Mom Success Stories?

emg40emg40 Posts: 35
in Single Mothers by Choice
I have been really happy reading about all the people on here who have been successful in having a baby. I was just wondering how everyone manages being a single mom with a baby. What kind of support do people have? I am about to embark on this roller coaster journey, but as badly as I want a baby, I am really scared and worried about being able to manage it all on my own.

Comments

  • Options
    melissaprestwoodmelissaprestwood Posts: 136
    I'm scared to death to have 2 newborns at the same time. I know they will grow quickly and then I'll be sad they aren't tiny anymore. LOL

    I'm having all kinds of emotions, if all continues to go well my boys will be here between the next 9 and 12 weeks.

    I have tons of support. My parents are close by. My brother and his family, a few very close friends and cousins.

    Good luck. When you want a child and you have the means to do it, I don't think it is ever a bad choice.
  • Options
    BanditBandit Posts: 348
    emg...

    As a single mom by choice, I will tell you that it is not an easy thing, it is difficult. But I think raising a child either married, divorced or single by choice is hard. As my friends have told me we have done it right. We do not have to share our child if we were divorced, we do not have to disagree with our mate if they are raising the child or not disciplining in them they way we want them to.

    The best advice I can give you is to be near family. I have done the last 7 months on my own entirely (okay I was with family for the first 3 months) but since then my family is 1500 miles away. It is hard, I have no babysitters, since I cannot find one and they are expensive. I have really changed my way of life and I am fine with it. to the point I am moving to be closer to family and so that my son can grow up with his cousins, aunts and uncles. I think it is important.

    Good example I went out to see a show last night and left Hunter with a babysitter, and I missed him the entire time I was out. I would have rather been with him, then out.

    It is a roller coaster but the best one that I have been on in a long time. He is wicked happy even when he is screaming. He laughs and smiles and if you are having a bad day it all goes away when I look at him.

    You will go crazy signing songs (my son loves knick nack patty wack give the dog a bone), lauhgs like a fiend. It is a riot, but it is great.

    Just remember life is a journey, a roller coasster, but you have a ton of support on these boards, and you will become close to all. We vent, congrats one another and just use this place for support.

    A piece of advice do not tell many people what you are doing until after you are pregnant. That way you do not get I am going today for this test, oh I am not Pregnant etc. It will stress you out. Tell them when you are three months along.

    Good luck.
  • Options
    BanditBandit Posts: 348
    Melissa
    Is it really only 3 months away max? Wow time flies, but then again my little guy is 7 months old on Sat.

    A suggestion I know lots of people have told you this, but take a picture a day of your babies. It is a great memory to have. I try I get at least 5 a week. All on my phone.
  • Options
    emg40emg40 Posts: 35
    Melissa and Anissa,
    Thanks very much for writing with your stories and advice.
    Melissa, I have been following your posts and am eager to hear about the arrival of Evan and Nicky. You are so lucky to have so much support.
    Anissa, I really admire how you have managed all of the trials of your baby arriving early and then taking care of him on your own. My biggest problem is that I can't follow the advice that either of you gave, as I don't have any family. That is why the thought is so scary for me. I really will be alone in this.
    I like the CCb boards, but it does feel like everyone already is friends with each other. Also, I really wish that I had a friend who actually lived near me (N. CA), so that at least I would have someone near by to talk to. I am not telling anyone about this until I am pregnant (fingers crossed) and in my second trimester. Too many chances for things to go wrong. So.. I guess I need to swallow my fear and doubts, as June and my first scheduled IUI is rapidly approaching.

    Thanks again and good luck to both of you! :-)
  • Options
    kncolekncole Posts: 30
    Thank you, EMG, for this post! I have the same worries. But being the child of a single mom myself (only 16 years my senior), I figure if she did it, I can do it.

    I haven't told very many people for the same reason that Anissa posted. Haven't even told my mom yet, because I don't want to deal with her reaction if things do go as well as they could. I have a few friends that know.

    I waited 'til I moved back home closer to family to have support -- because that's how my mom was able to manage with me.
  • Options
    olearyeolearye Posts: 65
    Emg40:

    I love in NorCal and I am 21 weeks pregnant with a
    Little baby boy and going to be a single
    Mom. Where in NorCal are you?
  • Options
    emg40emg40 Posts: 35
    kncole,
    Thanks! I think it is really brave of you to do this, having been raised by a very young single mom. How far along are you?

    Olearye,
    Congrats to you! I live in San Jose. Where are you?
  • Options
    olearyeolearye Posts: 65
    Sonoma county.
  • Options
    kncolekncole Posts: 30
    Still TTC. Last cycle was first IUI. (BFN). This cycle IVF.
  • Options
    Tomigrl5Tomigrl5 Posts: 132
    i have family and dear friends that are close. My parents are pretty far, I wish they were closer. I am 11 weeks pregnant. I am scared to do it alone, but the idea of never being a mother was more frightening to me. You can do it!

    Olearye-havent heard from you in awhile! how exciting, a little boy?? I think I am going having a boy too....
  • Options
    emg40emg40 Posts: 35
    Thanks again, everyone.
    Olearye, though Sonoma is quite a bit away, I am wondering if you had a doctor or clinic that you loved and would recommend. I am trying to find the best and most cost effective options.

    kncole, I am just wondering where you live and why you decided to move on to IVF after one IUI (if you don't mind sharing). As I have posted, my doctors have recommended IVF due to my age, but it is not something I can afford (sadly).

    Tomigrl, I have been reading your posts and am very sad for your loss, but very hopeful that this baby will be your lucky charm. Why do you think it is a boy?
  • Options
    olearyeolearye Posts: 65
    Tomigrl5: first, I am
    SO sorry to hear about twin b, I haven't been on for awhile but have been thinking of you. Yes so a boy, I felt all along even before I was pregnant that I was going to have a boy. When I had my ultrasound she told
    Me and it was like "yep" I think I would have been shocked if she said it was a girl even though I come from a family of all girls and only one boy. I too have some apprehensions being a single
    Mother but I have waited for
    This for many many years and after relationships that didn't lead to marriage or babies I decided to do it alone.
    Everyone has been so great and so supportive. I am 21 weeks
    Now and wow did my belly bump came out of no where. I feel him move all the time now which is awesome. Our kids will be half
    Siblings, can't wait to hear what you are having. Feel free to email me at irisholeary@gmail.com so we
    Can communicate more.
  • Options
    kncolekncole Posts: 30
    EMG, I'm almost 43. My RE doesn't want to waste any time. Because my diagnostics came back good, she decided to try one round of IUI. Now on to IVF. (I'm extremely fortunate to have good insurance coverage, so a lot is covered.)
  • Options
    emg40emg40 Posts: 35
    kncole,
    You are so lucky to have good insurance coverage. I would do anything to have that--and a good support system. When are you planning to start with IVF?
  • Options
    kncolekncole Posts: 30
    EMG -- already started. I'm day 9 in my cycle. Started meds on day 3.
  • Options
    melissaprestwoodmelissaprestwood Posts: 136
    Emg,
    Good luck to you. It looks like you can find closeby support just from these messages :)
    And thanks so much, I can't wait to meet my boys.

    Anissa,
    Yeah girl, soooooo close. It could be 2 months away now! Yikes! I'm freaking. But excited. You know, the whole list of emotions.
  • Options
    austingurlaustingurl Posts: 202
    Emg, these boards are great because people understand the struggles. I would also suggest looking into single mom by choice or just mommy support groups once you get preg. I am lucky and have great family support, but when I was preg with twins, I hooked up with a moms of multiples group in my area. I knew they would uniquely understand the struggle of twins. Sadly, my babies arrived at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix and my son passed, but I'm still in touch with that group. The women there are great. They exchange clothes, take turns babysitting for each other, etc. there is also a Ccb friends page on Facebook. It's private and requires an invite, but a lot of women on there live in ca. I'm not sure of their exact towns, but you might want to check it out. Let me know if your interested and ill get you invited.
  • Options
    BanditBandit Posts: 348
    EMG it is hard without family, as i live 1500 miles from mine. I am not sure what your story is, but it is so worth it. I have been doing it for 7 months, but will be moving closer to them. Try and find some good friends or someone that you can trust. I had a great coach and she will always be part of Hunter's life. I am planning on moving closer to my family only because I lost my job. Having a child is everything you can think about. Feel free to email me if you need to. anissa_stern at yahoo.com.

    Good luck.
  • Options
    emg40emg40 Posts: 35
    austingurl, thanks for the ideas. I actually have looked into the SMBC group. I would appreciate an "invite" to the Facebook group. I am trying to build any support that I can.

    kncole, good luck with your IVF. I have my fingers crossed for you. Keep us posted on how things go.

    Anissa, I really admire how you have managed. BTW, what is a coach?
  • Options
    BanditBandit Posts: 348
    My coach was the person in the delivery room with me. That way I wasn't by myself. A good friend came and helped me. She gave me support and was there when he was born.
  • Options
    ShunnamommaShunnamomma Posts: 8
    Emg40, I decided to have a baby on my own. My parents were not very happy with the way I decide to have my child but they supported me. They are now very happy grandparents. My friends have been very supportive also. Those that already have children are old pros. Their children are teens and boys so they are happy to have a little girl around. I went through 2 rounds of IVF and this past Jan. I gave birth to a precious little girl. I will not tell you that it is easy, but to see her smile at me every day makes the struggle worth it.
  • Options
    kncolekncole Posts: 30
    Shunnamomma, so happy to hear your story. Successes continue to give me hope. About to start my second round of IVF. First round produced one embryo. My doc wanted to do 2 rounds then transfer after 2nd.
  • Options
    BanditBandit Posts: 348
    emg a coach was the person with me in the delivery room. Very close friend. Do you have those. They are super supportive. I will also tell you that some of my closest friends are the mommies that I met in the NICU.

    Is there a SMBC group on Facebook? I just joined a mommy group where I am moving towards.

    Good luck.

    Everyone on here has become friends over time. It takes time, and I feel like I have another network to talk to about the trials of my journey and to give support to those who need it.

    Good luck all.
Sign In or Register to comment.