Any Widows doing this alone?

LisaA

Hi everyone!

I am a 40 year old who lost her husband very suddenly just over 2 years ago. He had 2 girls from a previous marriage that are more than a little unruly, and as a result, didn't want any more (of course when we married, he said he'd have them if I wanted them...grrr!). I decided that I wanted him in my life and that our love would be enough - then shortly after he decided that he didn't want more kids, he died.

So now that the shock is over and I'm back to being emotionally stable, I have returned to my original desire to have a child. I'd much rather do this WITH someone, however at age 40, I feel my time is up. Besides, it took me to age 34 to find him - I can't hold my breath on finding anyone else "in time".

I am going to my doctor tomorrow to get the ball rolling. Just wondering if anyone is in a similar boat.

Also, I'm kind of hoping for a girl so if anyone knows of a donor that tends toward girls, it would be appreciated. I'm looking for a donor that has similar characteristics to myself (tall, caucasian, light eyes, blonde to brown hair colour) but I'm pretty flexible as long as the donor is super smart. I need a little brainiac. :)

Thanks for listening and I welcome any information or suggestions you might have.

I look forward to posting with all of you!

Lisa

Arkmom

I'm not a widdow, but definitely hear what you are saying about not having time to find the next "Mr. Right". After taking about three years of serious looking to find my ex fiance and going through seven years of a relationship to find that as the song say "maybe pretty much always means no," I knew at 29 that I did not want to spend another decade wishing and hoping that a man would come along who would give me permission to move forwards with my life and be happy. There were also some medical issues involved, so I probably didn't have a decade to wait even if i had wanted to. Ultimately, I knew I would regret not having a child much more than not having the perfect relationship. I had my son on my own at 30 and he is the best thing that ever happened to me. There are times when it is hard, when i literally physically need another set of hands to do what I need to do, but we get through it and it is all worth it. I'm so glad I didn't wait any long and risk missingout on him for the sake of trying to build a new relationship first.

JanaBNY

Hi, I am also not a widow. I found myself single at 32 after being in a 6 1/2 year relationship. It took awhile for me to get over that and I found every relationship I was in good or bad I would sabotage. The last few years (I am going to be 37 in January) every guy I find I feel like I over analyze the situation and ultimately cut it off or ruin it because I want a child so badly I am afraid of getting into another 6 1/2 year situation and losing my window to have a child. I feel like I can go through life without Mr. Right but not without a child. So for now I will focus on my dream of having a child. Perhaps Mr. Right will come after as there is no window of opportunity with him. I think it's wonderful we have this opportunity!
I hope your appointment with your doctor goes well tomorrow! Let us know how it goes.

LisaA

Thanks everyone!

My appointment went really well. My doctor says I have a nice uterus with a really good lining. He found both ovaries and says I don't have POCS or anything that would prevent me from having a pregnancy.

He is putting me on clomid with my next cycle as a "test run" to see how my ovulation is with it (due to my age, 40 and my being overweight we're doing 100 mg for either 7 or 10 days, I can't recall which). I am thinking yikes! What if I end up with twins? I'm sure that would be a shock and one heck of an adjustment, but hey, it it is meant to be, so be it!

So the news is all good on my front at this point. If all goes well with my next cycle, I could be getting inseminated this time in December. Fingers crossed!

Now I need to pick a new donor - the one I liked is apparently a drug user with a family history of drug and alcohol issues. And he is brilliant - darn it!

Thanks again for the support!
Lisa

NOLADarling

LisaA,

Have seriously wanted to be a mom for about 6 yrs, but a huge fibroid that it took 3 yrs to have removed--got flooded out by Hurricane Katrina and it almost two years to find a doctor who could do the surgery while I focused on repairing my home and life. Once I got the green light from my OB/Gyn to TTC my fiance decided he wanted to end our 3.5 yr relationship. After some encouragement from my doctor (she's our age and also TTC as a sgl mom), I decided that it would be foolish to wait for Mr. Right because my window for having a family is slowly closing.

I say all this because I know what it's like to pin your hopes and future on someone else's plan only to have that plan change or no longer include you. If you truly want to be a mom, go for it. I am literally days away from my 41st bday, and recently had three failed IUIs over the past 4 months (didn't use clomid or anything else because all my tests were fine, but doctor wants to "step it up" with that stuff on the next go round)) but I have decided to continue on this path until I get to where I want to be.

Wishing you the best on your journey.

LisaA

Thanks NOLADarling. I go in on Wednesday to see if I'm ovulating or not. I just feel as though I am (no real reason..just hopeful maybe!). Not sure what I will do if I'm told that I'm not - but hopefully I won't need to worry about that.

Fingers crossed there are many follicles/eggs...well, not so many that I end up with quads or anything. Can you imagine?

Hopefully we both/all have good news soon!

LisaA

Hooray! I had 2 follicles (one on each side) that were 2 cm each on day 10. The doctor seemed pretty excited and was ready to get me inseminated - until I reminded him this was a test run (too bad really!). Hopefully my cycle isn't over the Christmas period when I'm ready to ovulate and we can give this a go next month. Pretty exciting...and scary all at the same time. Doing this on your own is a HUGE step...but I am quite sure the best thing we've ever done.

Fingers crossed!