Telling People

Bandit

Hi all. I am new to these boards, but am looking for advice. I was pregnant the natural way in Sept had a miscarriage in Oct at 10 weeks. I am now looking to have kids on my own. When you decided to go through the process as a single mom did you tell your parents a friend or what? I know support is important but did you wait until you were pregnant? Did you have them help you make the decision. I am just trying to find out what others have struggled with. At this point I have not told my folks, I know that they would be super supportive of me, as they were when I found out I was pregnant. I was planning on raising that child on my own. I know I can do this. It is just a hard decision on choosing a donor etc. Thanks for any advice.

Gltrbug

Hi Anissa. I know exactly how you feel. I am a single woman doing it on my own too. Had my first IUI on Saturday, so keeping my fingers crossed, but know I may have to try again. The first person I told was my mom. She is the most supportive mother ever. I've found that most of my friends have been supportive, and although a couple here and there have their little "piece" today, the bottom line is that anyone who isn't in your shoes couldn't possibly understand, and if they aren't willing to try..then they weren't that great of a friend. Start with a close family member, and then maybe branch out and tell some close friends. I think it was easier for me because so many people knew how much I wanted kids, and I used to joke about how if I didn't find "Mr. Right" I'd resort to this. I've read a lot of books on single mothers, and it's comforting to know there are so many other people in our situation who do the same thing. I won't let anyone drag me down, because I want this so badly, and am happy about my decision. As for choosing a donor, I started looking early but was just browsing. One day I just came across one that I really liked, and I knew he was the one. Hope some of this helps, and good luck.

Gltrbug

Oh, and by the way..I started gradually telling people before I started the process. I figured I would rather them talk "smack" or whatever before I got pregnant, than to deal with it after the fact. You'll be surprised at how many people are pretty supportive. I just say, "I know it's not for everyone", but I feel it's the best decision for me.

ladymadonna

I'm new to the boards too but have spent about 6 months in the serious "thinking" phase - reading books, doing web research, and just working through all the issues in my own head before knowing for certain this is the right decision for me. As soon as I knew that, I couldn't wait to talk to people about it. I started with two close (male) friends - both of whom were so excited and supportive that it really helped cement my decision. A few weeks later my best friend accidentally let the news slip while tipsy at a holiday party, and now a number of my friends know and are cheering me on.

I'm close to my family and would have told them first, but I live across the country from them and wanted to talk through it in person rather than over the phone. I finally told them over Thanksgiving, and again was bowled-over by the unconditional support I received from them. I know this is something I could not do completely on my own, and it's turning out to be a bit of a family project. My parents and brother are helping me sort through donors, and my Mom was even talking about flying down for my HSG on Friday (I told her thanks but that wouldn't be necessary!).

I know I'm very lucky to have had this kind of reaction from my close community. It really has helped make this process more fun and less scary knowing that I will have people there to help support me emotionally, physically, and even financially if absolutely necessary. While I know it's not realistic or appropriate for everybody to involve so many people in this process (that's really a completely personal decision), based on my experience I would recommend telling at least one or two close confidantes. It's just laying the groundwork for the community you're going to need once you have a baby.