looking for siblings

karenman

Hi Girls
I REALLY want my child to know a sibling. These kids might never know their fathers, but to know siblings I think would make them feel less alone. I have a friend that is adopted and met her sister at age 22 and they're really close.

I have a list of guys that have fathered children and was wondering if anyone out there has children with any of these donors who would be willing to let the kids know each other if I were to have a child with one of them. I live in NH by the way. Here's my list (which I need to narrow down!)
11221
11009
3581
5668
11018
11076
11089
648
5756
3800
3786
11014
Thanks so much and good luck to all of you! -Karen

jzhende

Hi Karen,
I am a SMC and am currently 24 weeks pregnant with a little girl from donor 11009. So far so good! I'm not in NH but I'm definitely interested in the possibility of my child knowing her half siblings. Good luck narrowing down your choices and TTC! It's a hard process but worth it! - Jen

karenman

Hi Jen
Great to meet you!! My chiropractor gave me the SMC book (along with "helping the stork") and I've been on the quest ever since. Thanks so much for getting back to me. I saw another two people on here with 11009 as well. I'm reluctant on the blonde hair and blue eyes since I am brown and hazel, but to be honest I think having a half sibling is more important than my child looking like me. Good luck to you!!!! I'll let you know if I go with him. take care!! -Karen

jzhende

Hi Karen,
In my humble opinion I think that you should go with a donor that you like and fits you best. I think you'll be surprised that you will be able to find siblings for most, if not all, of the donors you choose. I hoped for 1/2 siblings for my child but had no idea going into this process. I haven't even delivered yet and have found 2. Go with your gut! And I think finding someone with similar features to you is a great idea but it's absolutely your decision! Good luck and take care too! - Jen

allyphoe

The DSR has sibling matches for 11018 and 3581.

FWIW, my kid (from a donor not on your list) has never expressed any interest in siblings, and if questioned, will tell you she absolutely does not want one. We're aware of a (geographically distant) half-sib, but between her utter lack of interest and a significant age difference, a meeting would be pointless right now, and likely until mine is adult or close to it.

OTOH, she's gone through phases where she was extremely upset to not have a father, and was really fixated on knowing everything possible about her donor. One question that kept coming up was "Does he know me? Does he know who I am?" I notice not all of the donors you're considering are open (so willing to be contacted by 18yo offspring). So if you're looking for a way to narrow the list, IMHO open donor status is worth considering.

karenman

I definitely agree with you to an extent. The guys that are on my list are ones with similar ethnic origins to me. My friend up the street was telling me I was selfish for doing this to my child. I really don't want my child to feel like an outcast - which is why knowing a sibling is important to me. I have visions of the poor kid in grammer school coming home from school crying because they don't know their father (scenario I read in a book). It would be comforting to know there was a sibling out there that we could meet up with maybe once a year if we live far away and maybe the kids would grow up to have some kind of a bond. Maybe send them off to summer camp together for a week every year? I don't know... Also due to my health insurance I have to pay for the first 6 attempts (am going to try ICI's at home if my doctor signs the form). So all of that has limited me down to the ones on my list. Originally I was discouraged for not finding the perfect donor. But then I was thinking that if I can't get pregnant and have to go the adoption route, I'll be lucky to get ANY child. We're all quite lucky in that we can choose at least some of the traits we want. My friend had a hard time finding a baby to adopt and wasn't able to choose any of it's traits. Anyway...... Only time will tell. Take care! -Karen

karenman

Hi Ally
My 8:29pm email was in response to Jen's not yours. I'm feeling old because I don't know what your shorthand means!! I assume DSR is the donor sibling registry on here? I'm not able to access it but was planning to call the bank tomorrow to see what all they can legally tell me. Thanks for the info on how your child has felt, but I do think that kids go through different stages in their lives so it might change when she gets to be older. Ya, I am aware of the open donor policy and am thinking that route as well. I guess after seeing my friend's relationship with her half sister the sibling bond seems more important to me than the father one. Thanks again!!! -Karen

allyphoe

Ah, sorry for the shorthand!

DSR: http://www.donorsiblingregistry.com (not the one here)
FWIW = for what it's worth
OTOH = on the other hand

I know when we were trying, shipping was nearly as much as the IUI itself, so being able to buy enough vials for 3-4 tries at once (and use free storage at the RE's office) nearly covered the additional cost of in-office IUI vs. at-home ICI.

allyphoe

Oooh, that's super-convenient! You don't have to worry about getting the timing right then, either.

I'm not currently a member of the DSR, although I have been in the past. I keep thinking about re-upping, in part because my contact info on there goes to an email account I no longer read, but I'm too cheap. (I really don't expect to find a sibling match for me through the DSR - there are only 3 reported births, including my daughter.)

karenman

Hi girls! Thanks so much for all of your help! With the info I got here along with an email I got from my friend, I decided to go with open donor 11018. Here's an email I got from my friend who was adopted. I asked her if she wished she had met her her half sister when she was younger: Karen,
I guess I would say no, I'm glad it happened the way that it did. I truly think if I had met Shelia when I was younger and less mature, I wouldn't know what to do with the relationship. I can tell you, Mary, the 1/2 sister that's 10 years younger than me, we aren't that close. We're nice to one another and all, but not close, and that's okay with me. To me, the important stuff like medical and who I might look like was...maybe that's shallow, but it's still what I want to know more of on my bdad's side.

Hope that helps?! Bonnie

maymay1985

hey karen... so let me know when you do the insemination. i am getting very excited to know u are using that donor and you live so close to me nd our children will be like the same age. Please email me.... achapman06@yahoo.com. Would love to keep in touch with you. We won't have to do this alone completely this way... Amanda

Izzy5071

My kids are 16 and 13 now Beautiful, smart, loving, kids. We've met two of their half siblings. Would love to know if there's more out there. Donor was 5071 or #05071. Love to here from you..
Beachrealty1@gmail.com