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ryanhl
Posts: 116
Hello! I'm new to this whole process. It's exciting, but kind of scary....will I have enough money? what will I tell my child about why he/she doesn't have a father? what will I tell the people I work with? I have an appointment with the fertility clinic on Monday. I'm hoping to find out more information. I'm thinking about using donor 11118? Has anyone ever used that donor before?
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Welcome to the the process! I'm in the process of becoming a single mother by choice (SMC). I'm 24 weeks pregnant with a little girl. This process can be really daunting at first but with some research and support it all can come together smoothly. I saw my RE (reproductive endocrinologist) at the beginning of January and was able to start trying to conceive (TTC) in February. It doesn't have to take too long to get the process going. It can take a while to get pregnant (it took me only 3 tries) but it's nice to get the ball rolling. If neither of you have connected online with other SMC's there is quite a community that I've found has been a wonderful sounding board and support network. You can go to singlemothersbychoice.com and choicemoms.org for a lot of information. Both groups also have yahoo chat groups. Good luck!!! I'm happy to try to answer any questions if I can. - Jen
Congratulations...a little girl...that's exciting! Thanks for the advice. I'm a little nervous about my appointment tomorrow, but very excited too.
-Heather
I met with the fertility specialist today. I brought my sister with me. He asked me sooooo many questions. He said that I looked unsure of things and that I looked like I was having anxiety about things. He kind of made me feel a little on the stupid side. I also asked about the money factor and his reply was that if I wanted it bad enough that money shouldn't matter. I was just trying to be realistic...of course I'm excited, but I know that there are no guarantees in life so I didn't want to jump up and down until someone says I'm pregnant. Any advice for me? :)
Having some cash on hand is a really good thing. I ended up with a fairly rare blood antibody issue that's added close to $600.00 out of my pocket (after insurance) to my pregnancy. That may not seem like much in the greater scheme of things, but I have pretty great insurance coverage so this actual cost is probably closer to $3000.00 if I was paying it all myself.
Does your employer offer a health-care reimbursement account program? I put a bunch of cash into my reimbursement account for 2008 knowing I'd either be trying to get pregnant, or getting pregnant and having a baby. I lucked out. I had my first appt wiht my Ob in November of 07 and got pregnant on my second IUI in Feb of 08. Another thing to think about with insurance and deductables... you'll go from the deductable of a single person to family once you give birth, so keep that in mind when planning on out of pocket medical expenses and insurance.
On a side note- my personal advice- don't stay with a Dr. who makes you feel dumb or stupid. This is a huge step to make and it's your body... there are NO dumb questions. Finding a supportive Dr. who listens to you can make a world of difference when you're stressed or have concerns. You will be stressed and you will have concerns- but the end result is worth it. Eye on the prize!
Good luck!
I think that you would benefit from joinig singlemothersbychoice.com (SMC). Once you join go to their yahoo SMC-thinking and SMC-ttc groups. You can also join the SMC-Preg group to get used to the idea that you will be pregnant.
You will find hundreds of women there who are going through exactly your situation. I joined last year and since then have become the mother of a little girl. Now I am in the process of having a second child with another great donor from CCB. Anyone who is considering becoming an SMC should join.
Be strong and move ahead with your decision confidently. I can't imagine my life without my little girl!!!
There are LOTS of Canadian members of SMC. There is one that is especially active that just gave birth to twins. I am sure that they will help you out with finding an RE at your location and ordering vials. I see Canadian posts on the SMC-ttc board all the time.
I absolutely agree with hadouni. Don't go with a doctor you're not comfortable with or one that makes you feel bad about your decision. The clinic I went to says that about 10% of all their clients are SMC's. They never questioned what I wanted to do but I was also very confident in my decision. I can understand a doctor commenting if you seem really hesitant. If you feel that you were just asking questions and not being hesitant in your ultimate decision then I would definitely consider finding a different RE. Also, you have every right to ask about the cost of this process. It's a very important question and while it's true that if you want it badly enough you're willing to spend a lot to get there, there are limits. My insurance didn't cover any of it so I was limited. If it had come to it I wouldn't have been able to afford to do IVF (one of the reasons I started a little younger). Everywhere is very different but as a jumping off point it cost me about $700 per month unmedicated (IUI & sperm) and about $1500 the month I used fertility drugs (IUI, sperm, ultrasounds and drugs). One other thing, I saw my RE exactly 1 time and that was at our initial consultation. If you're just doing standard IUI's then you won't likely see your RE much at all. If you think you could be comfortable with the nurses then you may want to stay with that clinic. Good luck and don't be discouraged by a bad doctor's appointment. - Jen
----Heather
Misty