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Our story...advice is appreciated!
Omesaara
Posts: 118
Hello!
I'm new here...so I thought maybe I'd throw some info out there and get some thoughts/perspectives from you. In looking over some of these posts, it seems a few of you have been on here for a while...
I am 31 years old and my husband is 49. We have been actively TTC for 5 years now with absolutely no success, and it was determined that his sperm had very low motility and that 96% of them were abnormal to begin with. The doctors haven't found anything wrong with me per se, but it does take me a long time to get pregnant for some reason. I was married previously and it took my ex-husband and I a year and a half to conceive our daughter naturally (and according to the doc, he had "great" sperm...haha), but there is no medical reason for it...it just happened that way. (My daughter is 7, btw).
Ever since my daughter was born, I have KNOWN in my heart I was meant to have another child. I was one of those little kids who dreamed of having a large family with 4 or 5 kids, and my husband has always wanted a baby of his own too. I missed being pregnant the moment I gave birth, and I have been in and out of varied states of depression ever since then because I am disappointed every single month! And to add insult to injury, it seems that every single person I know gets pregnant without even a second thought...my cousin is expecting her first and she just got married last year...at least 3 friends of mine started TTC this summer and they are all expecting now...my old neighbor, who is in her mid-40's, unexpectedly got pregnant and is having her son in a few weeks...a college friend of mine started TTC for her FIRST child when I was pregnant with my daughter back in 2002 and NOW just gave birth to her FOURTH baby at the end of last year!!! It's a curse and I feel like a little part of my soul dies every time I get a stupid birth announcement or baby shower invite...but nobody understands me when I say that! They all think I am being selfish, but they don't understand how it makes me want to cry when this thing I want so badly comes so easily to them and is seemingly unattainable to me! And then of course I feel guilty for being angry about something that SHOULD be a happy occasion...which just worsens the whole thing!
So...basically now I am in panic mode. When I planned my goals out when I was younger, I wanted to have all my kids before I was 30. I will be 32 this year, and I feel my biological clock ticking away...and I am scared. Now, I know 32 is not that bad...but also consider my husband is turning 50 this year. For him to fully enjoy being a dad, we need to do this right away...he is not getting any younger!!! There is, of course, the problem with cost...I am a school teacher and obviously don't make a lot of money. He brings home a salary equivalent to mine. So we are NOT rich. We are planning on spending our tax return this year on purchasing 2 vials and having the IUI procedure done (which, incidentally, is NOT covered by school board insurance...and when I complained about that to Risk Management, they actually referred me to a PSYCHOLOGIST to talk about my ISSUES with not accepting that we don't have another baby!!! I WAS LIVID! I DON'T NEED A SHRINK; I NEED ADVANCED FERTILITY RIDERS ON MY HEALTH INSURANCE SO I CAN FIX THE SOURCE OF MY DEPRESSION, NOT MEDICATE IT! Grrr!) Anyway, 2 vials and 2 IUIs is pretty much all we can afford, so all of my hopes are pinned on those...fingers definitely crossed here!!!
My husband and I talked about adoption, but we personally know 2 different families around here (we live in Florida) who adopted babies and then, after 1 year with one family and 2 years with the other, the birth parents wanted the kids back, went to court, and the messed-up court systems here in FL GAVE the kids BACK to their birth parents!!! I do NOT want to risk that. Plus, I am afraid I would look at that kid every day and think of it as a constant reminder of how our bodies failed us, and I would not be able to love it the same way I love my own daughter, and it is NOT fair to put a child in that environment. An adopted child deserves to be loved unconditionally, and I'm afraid I can't do that, and I won't willingly put a child in that position to always feel second-best. I would be a terrible person to do so!
So, here we are. We're searching for donors who have the same qualities, interests, and general physical description as my husband, for obvious reasons. If I have one criticism about this website, I wish that the retired donors would no longer show up on the searches. Three times now I have found donors in my searches that absolutely met my criteria, and I was completely charmed and entranced by their essays and responses, and then when I clicked to save them, I got the message that they were retired and no longer available! It was very disheartening.
So February 3 we file our taxes, and we should get our return in the middle of the month. My next cycle SHOULD begin on/around February 21, and then we are planning on doing the deed! In preparation, I have lost 70 lbs (went from a size 24 to a size 14), I take vitamins every day, and I joined a gym. Once we get our vials, we only have 2 shots at this (since 2 vials are all we can afford), so keep your fingers crossed! Even numbered-years seem to be really lucky for me...every major event that happened in my life was on an even-numbered year...so I have a good feeling about 2010!
I'm new here...so I thought maybe I'd throw some info out there and get some thoughts/perspectives from you. In looking over some of these posts, it seems a few of you have been on here for a while...
I am 31 years old and my husband is 49. We have been actively TTC for 5 years now with absolutely no success, and it was determined that his sperm had very low motility and that 96% of them were abnormal to begin with. The doctors haven't found anything wrong with me per se, but it does take me a long time to get pregnant for some reason. I was married previously and it took my ex-husband and I a year and a half to conceive our daughter naturally (and according to the doc, he had "great" sperm...haha), but there is no medical reason for it...it just happened that way. (My daughter is 7, btw).
Ever since my daughter was born, I have KNOWN in my heart I was meant to have another child. I was one of those little kids who dreamed of having a large family with 4 or 5 kids, and my husband has always wanted a baby of his own too. I missed being pregnant the moment I gave birth, and I have been in and out of varied states of depression ever since then because I am disappointed every single month! And to add insult to injury, it seems that every single person I know gets pregnant without even a second thought...my cousin is expecting her first and she just got married last year...at least 3 friends of mine started TTC this summer and they are all expecting now...my old neighbor, who is in her mid-40's, unexpectedly got pregnant and is having her son in a few weeks...a college friend of mine started TTC for her FIRST child when I was pregnant with my daughter back in 2002 and NOW just gave birth to her FOURTH baby at the end of last year!!! It's a curse and I feel like a little part of my soul dies every time I get a stupid birth announcement or baby shower invite...but nobody understands me when I say that! They all think I am being selfish, but they don't understand how it makes me want to cry when this thing I want so badly comes so easily to them and is seemingly unattainable to me! And then of course I feel guilty for being angry about something that SHOULD be a happy occasion...which just worsens the whole thing!
So...basically now I am in panic mode. When I planned my goals out when I was younger, I wanted to have all my kids before I was 30. I will be 32 this year, and I feel my biological clock ticking away...and I am scared. Now, I know 32 is not that bad...but also consider my husband is turning 50 this year. For him to fully enjoy being a dad, we need to do this right away...he is not getting any younger!!! There is, of course, the problem with cost...I am a school teacher and obviously don't make a lot of money. He brings home a salary equivalent to mine. So we are NOT rich. We are planning on spending our tax return this year on purchasing 2 vials and having the IUI procedure done (which, incidentally, is NOT covered by school board insurance...and when I complained about that to Risk Management, they actually referred me to a PSYCHOLOGIST to talk about my ISSUES with not accepting that we don't have another baby!!! I WAS LIVID! I DON'T NEED A SHRINK; I NEED ADVANCED FERTILITY RIDERS ON MY HEALTH INSURANCE SO I CAN FIX THE SOURCE OF MY DEPRESSION, NOT MEDICATE IT! Grrr!) Anyway, 2 vials and 2 IUIs is pretty much all we can afford, so all of my hopes are pinned on those...fingers definitely crossed here!!!
My husband and I talked about adoption, but we personally know 2 different families around here (we live in Florida) who adopted babies and then, after 1 year with one family and 2 years with the other, the birth parents wanted the kids back, went to court, and the messed-up court systems here in FL GAVE the kids BACK to their birth parents!!! I do NOT want to risk that. Plus, I am afraid I would look at that kid every day and think of it as a constant reminder of how our bodies failed us, and I would not be able to love it the same way I love my own daughter, and it is NOT fair to put a child in that environment. An adopted child deserves to be loved unconditionally, and I'm afraid I can't do that, and I won't willingly put a child in that position to always feel second-best. I would be a terrible person to do so!
So, here we are. We're searching for donors who have the same qualities, interests, and general physical description as my husband, for obvious reasons. If I have one criticism about this website, I wish that the retired donors would no longer show up on the searches. Three times now I have found donors in my searches that absolutely met my criteria, and I was completely charmed and entranced by their essays and responses, and then when I clicked to save them, I got the message that they were retired and no longer available! It was very disheartening.
So February 3 we file our taxes, and we should get our return in the middle of the month. My next cycle SHOULD begin on/around February 21, and then we are planning on doing the deed! In preparation, I have lost 70 lbs (went from a size 24 to a size 14), I take vitamins every day, and I joined a gym. Once we get our vials, we only have 2 shots at this (since 2 vials are all we can afford), so keep your fingers crossed! Even numbered-years seem to be really lucky for me...every major event that happened in my life was on an even-numbered year...so I have a good feeling about 2010!
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Comments
I was touched by reading your story and I wish you and your husband the best of luck on your journey! I know how you feel whenever you hear from someone who is expecting or has just given birth. I feel like everyone around me is having babies left and right - my best friend got pregnant within 10 days!!! - and it reminds me that much more of how much I want another child. I have a 5 year old son from a previous marriage and since I have not found someone else to start a family with, I am doing this as a single mother. My son gets so lonely sometimes and really wants another child around the house to play with.
Well, it sounds like you are doing everything right in taking care of your body (congrats on losing weight!) and I hope to hear that 2010 is a good year - for the both of us. I'll be starting in March, so looks like we'll be starting around the same time.
Good luck and God bless!
tjmoors
Thanks, guys!
I just filled out all the paperwork and am getting ready to fax it tomorrow. We filed our taxes and will have our return on the 19th, so I'll be ordering the vials then...and hopefully around that time I'll be heading off to get some fertility meds to increase our chances of success.
Fingers crossed for all around!!!