Tell my child or not?

dpowell4dpowell4 Posts: 5
in LGBTQ+ Couples
I was married to a man that could not have kids so we did the sperm donor and have a beautiful 2 year old son. No I am in a same sex relationship with someone who loves my son more then anyone could even imagine. My ex husband isn't really a dad to my son...but to some degrees "plays" the part. We planned on being together for ever and never thought we needed to tell anyone my son was a donor sperm. NOW things have changed dramatically and I don't know what to do! I want to have another baby, hopefully by same donor, with my partner now. I feel like I can't keep this from my son forever and I feel like it will eventually have to come out. His father's new girlfriend is a piece of work and already says things like "he is not even really your kid" ... I love my son more then anything in this world and I want to do what is right for him. I don't care about what anyone thinks or feels, including myself...I just don't know what is RIGHT? Help please

Comments

  • TomiTomi Posts: 51
    Dpowell,

    Congrats on the first child! Sorry to hear that the marriage is not working out. As with any relationship, before you start building a family with someone new .. make sure to think long and hard about it before you pull the trigger. As you have learned, you think you'll be with someone forever, to only learn 24 months later things change in a blink of an eye.

    Does it matter where your son came from? As long as that child is loved unconditionally, this is all that matters and nothing else. If and when your child asks about his biological father, then and only then do you tell them OR when you feel as though they are old enough to understand everything.

    I would speak to your ex about the comments that his now girlfriend has to say. Because this is a negative impact to the kid, regardless as to if he understands everything that is being said. If anything else, the father in this picture needs to grow some balls and tell his girlfriend to shut up cause this is a child you two brought into this world as a couple, man and wife, mother and father.
  • MapleSodaMapleSoda Posts: 1
    I think honesty is best. If he grows up knowing how he came to be in your family, then that information will not be a shocking and possibly hurtful surprise later on. I think introducing the topic early in simple terms and relating it to the new baby who will join your family in the same way he did is a wise decision. If you and your partner and his dad can agree on how to tell his arrival story, your son will hear consistent information when he asks questions and you can avoid feeling panicked and awkward. Hopefully the dad's girlfriend will be on board too, but even if she isn't, you won't have to worry about her making a comment that leaves him confused or forces you into an unplanned sharing of life-altering info for your son.

    Good luck to you!
  • MissDrea3MissDrea3 Posts: 6

    I think we may have used the same donor sperm, I’ve been looking for siblings and I believe, we used the same donor

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