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freaking out

GracasGracas Posts: 96
in Single Mothers by Choice
Hi. Just curious. I'm about ready to try any second now but I'm nervous as all heck. I definitely know I want to do this. Have been saving my vacation time for years and planning for years and 40 came with Prince Charming nowhere in sight which I'm fine with. Had my first visit with the RE and as we speak am getting AF any second so have to call RE tomorrow. My question: has anyone else freaked out in the beginning when first trying even though they really knew they wanted a child?

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    HayleyHayley Posts: 29
    Oh, I definitely freaked out even though I know that I want a baby and I was willing to do anything to make it happen.

    I had to change my perspective about my lifestyle. I know after the baby, I couldn't do everything I want, anytime I want (like sleep). Having been single for so long, it's hard to actually be responsible for another person who will be totally depended on me.

    I started decluttering and getting rid of things to make room for the baby's things. I decreased my caffine intake even though I love coffee and tea. Completely stopped drinking alcohol. No more sushi and shellfish. Removed spices and herbs that could be harmful during pregnancy. Started taking prenatal vitamins and folic acid.

    Even though I was going to the RE, doing things to make room for the baby, becoming healthier, I still don't feel confident that I can handle it all.

    Finance wise, I thought I was okay raising a child. But living in NYC, where day care costs more than 2,200 a month, I start to wonder if I can really do it. I also need to save for college and include the extra expenses of baby necessities into my budget. Don't forget your own retirement savings!

    I just had my second back to back IUI done and still I am doubting if I can really do this. But the time is now.

    So, if you are 40 and you know that you want a child of your own, then you have to just be as positive and proactive as possible. I'm glad that we can post on CCB's bulletin because we are all going through the same thing...
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    kndertchrkndertchr Posts: 33
    I was a little freaked out when I first made the decision, but then I got to work. Once I finally decided that this was my path, I just called it my project. Instead of focusing on dating, I focused on fertility. Right now I am 37 weeks pregnant and I'm 40 years old. I have to say that once I got pregnant, a huge weight was lifted. While pregnancy is difficult, I have never been happier! The 20 years dealing with the pressure to conceive is finally over. Maybe I will find a guy, maybe I won't, but I have no regrets in my decision. All I feel is excitement and anticipation, and I can't wait to be a mom. I hope it happens for you too!
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    GracasGracas Posts: 96
    Thank you. Makes me feel so much better. Thought I was being a chicken. Any other advice would be appreciated.
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    baby67890baby67890 Posts: 156
    It perfectly normal to” freakout” we all wonder the big WHAT If factor. What if we go thought another cycle child less. What if I do meet Mr. Right? What if lose my job or what if I don’t have the money to fund this. But it ok that why CCB made this board for others to reach out to one another for help you are not alone we all feel your pain. If you need anything am here for you. And yes I do feack out all the time about how am going to make it but I know that god has things happen in his time not ours.
    Lots of baby dust, baby
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    GracasGracas Posts: 96
    thanks Baby
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    HayleyHayley Posts: 29
    Gracas,

    I agree with what everyone said. I won't regret making this choice of a single mom in the making.

    All the blood work, ultrasounds, medications, injectables, IUIs are all worth it.

    What could be more satisfying than having a baby who you will love like no other?

    Hang in there and everything will work out. In His time.

    Baby dusts to us all!!
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    dp2011dp2011 Posts: 6
    I was nervous but like you decided that this is really what I wanted. I now have twins so that put a different spin on wanting "one" more but really I know I am so lucky to have them.

    You just need to decide what you really want in your life. I asked myself "in 20 years when I look back at my life would I regret not having another baby" my answer was yes so I went ahead.
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    GracasGracas Posts: 96
    I've asked myself this and the answer is I can't imagine my life without a child and the clock is winding down. It's such a whirlwind of different feelings going through this process alone and maybe it's the same when you are with someone, but nonetheless, I am fearful and wonder if I'll be a good mom, if I'll be enough, worry about if I will get sick and the child will be alone (I'm a cancer survivor), that I'll be financially okay, will I have support... et cetera. Usually, I'm a planner but plow ahead kind of person but I don't want to screw this kid up so... Anyhow, thanks again all for the feedback. I know I'm not alone with this type of thinking.. Best of luck to all of you!
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    tingodtingod Posts: 32
    I am freaked out too. I will have my 1st appointment with the RE in 2weeks. I don't even know the process. I wish you luck.
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