Anonymous vs Open donor

takingcontrol30takingcontrol30 Posts: 3
in Single Mothers by Choice
Hi...I am starting the process of looking for a donor. I am 31, single, and I am ready to be a mother. I was just curious what some of your experiences may have been when deciding whether to use an open donor versus an anonymous one.

Originally, I thought that I would just go with an anonymous donor, however, a recent family event has me re-thinking that decision. Long story short, I just found out that I have a 43-year old half brother that we knew nothing about. My dad's first wife lied to him about having a miscarriage. Speaking to my new brother, he said that he just really wanted to know his father and where he came from; his history. After hearing that, it made me really made me think about that time in my future child's life when they want to know who their other half is.

Any insight on this would be appreciated.

Comments

  • Rdy2BMommyRdy2BMommy Posts: 3
    I went with open for the same reason. I looked up a lot of info on donor kids and most just want to know where they come from. Not necessarily to for relationships with the donor, but just to explain the things that don't come from you. I like the idea that at some point if they are interested they can reach out to their other half.

    -Good luck.
  • ThisDreamOfMineThisDreamOfMine Posts: 4
    Agreed! I chose an open donor because I thought that I'd rather give my son the option in the future of doing whatever he chooses in regard to contacting the donor versus making the decision for him before he's even born. It meant a lot to me. I thought about it this way... By the time he's able to make that decision, he'll be an adult (legally, at least) and it's not up to ME to remove that choice for him. I wanted to have it as an option. The child doesn't "have to" contact the donor if he chooses not to. :) Good luck!
  • takingcontrol30takingcontrol30 Posts: 3
    Thank you for all your replies. Definitely makes me feel a bit better knowing others have been going through/did go through the same thought process. Gives me a bit more to think about it. I appreciate your honesty and thought process on the situation.
  • takiahleetakiahlee Posts: 14
    I have been pondering this myself and I think everyone above makes good points.

    I want an open donor as I found out in my late teens that the physically abusive guy I grew up with as a father is probably not my father and my mother actually has no idea exactly who my father is as there are multiple possibilities.

    As I enter this journey it bothers me a lot not knowing the other side of my genetics and what I get from my biological father and it has been and remains the biggest issue I have with my mother and is something we still argue about as she also lied to me about it multiple times.

    It's tough to take away the option of my child being able to find out about their biological father when this is an option I wish I had. It's their choice about whether they do contact him but I want to give my child the option.
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