Young child told me his Mom said he was meeting his donor when he turned 18.

Sweettheartt

I am not a relation to this child and barely know this child. I commented on his cute freckles and asked if his Mommy or Daddy had freckles. The child instead informed me that he had a donor (info I didn't know). Then the child said his mom told him he was going to meet his donor when he was 18. He was extremely excited about this and it was obviously something that he was perseverating on. This concerned me because the mother used donor sperm and there is no guaranteed "meeting", at 18 from any sperm bank. This is exactly what I fear that my child would harbor these fantasies which very well won't come true. I also don't want my child "living" his or her life for the day he or she turns 18. Any thoughts?

Arie1908

I'm still attempting to conceive and have opted to use an open donor. I think it's about setting a reasonable expectation that when they're 18 they may have contact (once) and which form isn't specified. I'm adopted and my mom asked me if I wanted to search for my biological parents, I said no. My mom said if I told her yes, that she would have suggested counseling prior to address all of the possible outcomes and how I can prepare myself emotionally.

I think that if I do successfully I have a child using a donor, I'll tell them I used a donor but maybe I'll wait until they're a teenager to start the conservation about them having the one-time interaction with a donor. Also, counseling beforehand would be important, to help set realistic expectations.

grizgirl

Good advice Arie. I also chose an open donor so it would be a possibility. I think the child's desire may change through time. My sister is adopted and when she was young she talked about her bio parents all the time. Now that she's older she has no interest and no desire to know anything even about her culture (she's Chinese).