Debating using a donor of a different race?

Svetlanna

I'm a blond, blue-eyed Caucasian woman and the donor whose interview I liked best is Chinese. What do you guys think about selecting a donor of a different race? I didn't search for criteria by race - rather, I focused on the educational level (graduate school), area of study (math/physics/medicine) and then narrowed down by listening to interviews. I respect his values, his diligence and his articulate way of expressing himself during the interview. I have a diverse circle of friends and my two best friends are Asian. I also tend to date Asian men. I've never thought that I need to have a child who looks like me. I live in the Bay Area where there are many mixed-race children. What do you guys think? Should I be concerned about the impact of this decision on my child? What factors should I consider in this situation? (He is an known donor.)

Elle32077

I would love to hear any responses as well, as I am considering using a donor who is Indian. I also live in the Bay Area where I don't worry about people being accepting, but I would worry about any negative impact on my child.

Sweettheartt

First let me say probably half my boyfriends were of a different various races and ethnicities from me and if I had married any of them I would have definitely had a family with them. By the way, at one point I lived in San Fran. However, this is not a love situation your talking about. Times are changing and the world is more accepting of biracial children now more than ever. That being said, since I am a single hopefully mother-to-be, I have given the thought of who to choose as a donor quite a lot of thought. I think the thing I want to do is make my child's life as easy as possible. Whether or not we like to admit our child will already have one strike against them not coming from a two-parent living together household. To add a complicating race factor on top of it I think is not helpful. On a side note to Svetlanna I have two female friends who are both natural blondes married to Asian men and their children overwhelmingly look Asian so everyone thinks immediately they are adopted. It annoys both of my friends. One to a greater degree. But I am a big advocate if we are going to be single and having to choose a donor give your kid a tall, intelligent, handsome, athletic, artistic donor and let the chips fall where they may. But then again I have a friend doing this and I talked her out of picking a donor with a peanut allergy. I have an ex-boyfriend who is Dominican and married a White woman and they have two sons, one is very dark and had a lot of issues growing up. I also live in a Metropolitan area and have friends of various races and if you talked to any of them they would all say they have encountered some form of discrimination or racism. I think we as white women may be a bit oblivious to it, but it happens all the time. Again, if this was a marriage I would say yes, however if you could choose any donor I would choose one who would not put an extra challenge on your child.

Elle32077

You make really good points, Sweet--thank you for your input.