A few questions about getting started

So, my partner and I are getting ready to get this process started. I have a few questions:

1. I just moved to a new state, so I have to find a new doctor. What do I ask/say when I call for my 1st appointment?

2. What should I make sure to discuss with my new doctor while at the office?

3. Should I go straight to a fertility specialist or do I need to be referred?

Thank you to anyone who can help me out with this.


  • Welcome to the boards...here's my opinion...

    Let me start with question #3...my OB referred me to an RE that I requested. I had other friends use this office and I knew that they were supportive of lesbian couples.

    Question #1...we just told them that we wanted a consult for doing a same sex couple IUI.

    Question #2...I had a whole slew of questions, but many of them were age related. I was 35 when we conceived. Off the top of my head, you may want to ask what they do if you ovulate on a weekend or holiday...how many failed IUI's you must have before moving on to something more agressive (hopefully you won't need this)...do they want pre-washed sperm or do they wash it there...I'm sure many others will have more suggestions.

    Good luck and keep us posted. :)
  • Ditto to MistyandCarla

    My OB referred my to our RE. Didn't matter as far as insurance as we have to pay out of pocket, but if you have ANY fertility coverage on your health insurance, you might have to get a referral so keep that in mind.

    I called ahead and made sure they "knew" and were well versed in dealing with same sex couples because that was key for us.

    Also, it might be a wise idea to make sure your records are all up to date (annual, pap, etc) and try to do those if they're not current. Get those sent over to whatever RE you end up using. I had pages and pages of history and paperwork to fill out and having those records came in handy, not to mention that the RE required my pap/annual be current or I'd have to pay for them to do that as well.

    I'm not sure how the process will go for you, but I'll share how we got started in case it helps.
    My OB referred me and we made an initial appt. At that appt, my RE went over the "first steps" which was to get me through a month of tests.

    After that month of tests, we "regrouped" and she went over all my results and gave me the statistics etc and her recommended course of treatment.

    We discussed payment and costs and she answered my millions of questions.

    Then we started on day one of my next cycle....and its been on-going ever since!

    Good luck, don't be nervous and just remember to breathe and stay as stress free as possible. Its a marathon, not a race and it can be an emotional ride so just be positive!!!! You'll have a lot of support on the boards, these gals are great.

    Let us know how it goes.
  • Our start was much like the above. However we did not start with the ob, we researched local fertility clinics and went straight to the source. I was the one to try first and simply called for a consult. We called about 3 months before we hoped to begin. I told them my partner would be joining me and there was nothing else said of it. Our ?'s were of the basic sort...where do we ship sperm...what banks do you prefer...what is the 6 monthe plan and so on. They had a really good packet that outlined it all.They took blood from us BOTH!I was not expecting the extra expense...but ins did pick up a little of that bloodwork. That was such an exciting day! I remember the bigness of it all...
    Good luck!
  • Becky~

    Congrats on getting the ball rolling!

    I don't have too much to add that the others haven't already said, but will share my story of getting started.

    I did not ask for a consult, I called the RE clinic directly and asked for an appointment. I never even thought to ask if they treated same sex couples, but now realize that I should have since some clinics will refuse... Glad we didn't have to face that while sitting in the Dr office!

    We asked general questions of the Dr~ explain the process to me, how do we begin, which sperm donor clinic do they recommend, what tests do you require & which do you recommend. And we basically outlined a plan. I left with a "To do" list and was told to call back for an appt after all the pre-stuff had been done (physical, PAP, lab work, paperwork). She did recommend that I start tracking my cycle at that time too. (I never did temping [my doc did not think it was necessary] only cycle length & LH surge.)

    Had a 2nd appt then to go over all the lab results, she told me what she recommended for me, filled out some more paperwork, had the Dr sign my A1 form for CCB & gave me instructions as to which type of sperm vials to order. Left the office that time with, "Call on day 1 of the cycle you are ready to begin"! It was so exciting!!

    Our 1st appt was in November '07 and 1st IUI would have been late Jan - early Feb '08, but I developed a kick-*ss kidney stone & Tina was in a bad accident (we were both in the hospital at the same time!) so we had to hold off til March.

    Don't let the process overwhelm you! It seems like there is so much to do & learn, but it all starts making sense really quickly.

    Best of luck to you in this process! If you find that you have questions, don't hesitate to ask! You can always message me in FB too!


    Oh yeah~ I definitely agree with Misty - ask about weekend coverage. Most practices consider it standard of care, but a few smaller clinics don't offer it. I hear of people "sitting out" cycles b/c they surged late on Friday or over the weekend... that would suck. I seem to be a weekend girl & probably 1/2 of my IUIs have been done on Saturday! You just don't want that to be a factor.
  • thank you all so much for your responses and advice. I appreciate it more than you know. I will definitely keep everyone posted..
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