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Do you have your family's support?

Elle32077Elle32077 Posts: 21
in Single Mothers by Choice
Hi all,

I am seriously considering using a donor, but I am worried because I do not have my family's blessing and support. It seems most women do have lots of support. Would I be insane to think I could raise a child completely on my own?

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    SweetthearttSweettheartt Posts: 373
    I think that you might have been better off not telling them in advance, people respond better when they know the horse is already out of the barn. It took my mother a year to wrap her head around the idea. That being said no one lives around me, but my friends will help me and once I have a child I will meet other parents and then we will help each other. I see you joined five years ago, has it taken you this long to get started?
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    Elle32077Elle32077 Posts: 21
    Hi Sweet,

    I've only told my immediate family and my best friend, but I probably should have waited on it.

    I just noticed the date I joined and I was shocked! I guess I was just curious at that time and still thinking I'd get married and do things the "natural" way. But now I'm getting serious. Are you pregnant, or in the planning stage?
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    SweetthearttSweettheartt Posts: 373
    In the last year I've been pregnant three times and keep miscarrying. No known reason. I'm still trying for the take home baby. The one bit of advice is to get started the older you get the harder it gets and it may take you one month or a long time. Were you born in 77? If so I started trying when I was your age.
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    SweetthearttSweettheartt Posts: 373
    I have some advice for you on how to pick a donor. Firstly, remember Internet dating, you don't know the guy and just because they might look good on paper doesn't mean he is your dream guy.
    Decide on your donor deal breakers before you start searching. For example, I'm not choosing anyone with seasonal allergies because I saw my best friend suffer for many years with them. Doesn't matter how great the guy is. I'm not choosing anyone with poor grades in school and lack of math abilities etc... You see my point whatever weird things you want to avoid, write them out.
    Then write down all the things that would make up your ideal donor, for me it is friendly personality, intelligence, etc. Also for me I wanted very handsome. It is funny because I usually go for the nerdy, short type in real life, but I'm looking for the stud literally and figuratively. The customer service reps can see the adult photos and the reps are VERY honest about the guy's looks. They have been incredibly helpful for me.
    Then think of things that would balance you out. I suck at my math and science so I want a donor gifted in that. My family tends to have oversized noses so I want a smaller nose on the donor. You see my point.
    Also don't buy more than six vials of a donor. You may end up miscarrying and the dr will want you to switch or the donor may not get you pregnant, and yes they are all capable, but you may lose faith, also you may see a donor you like better after you've tried a few times.
    Also before you buy any vials meet with your dr and have your bloodwork done. Some drs are picky and if you are CMV negative they will insist the donor be too. I fell into that category.
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    Elle32077Elle32077 Posts: 21
    I'm so sorry about your miscarriages :( I really admire your persistence and hope you have success soon. Yes, I was born in '77, so the clock is definitely ticking!

    I am meeting with my gynecologist on Tuesday to discuss things, as a starting point. I'm thinking he will refer me to a reproductive endocrinologist. I haven't had my hormones tested in a few years, so it will be interesting to see where I stand. I'll make sure to ask about CMV as well.

    Thank you for your helpful advice, and have a lovely evening :)
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