Are there any other women who do not agree with the label " single mother by choice"?

SweetthearttSweettheartt Posts: 373
in Share Your Experience
Yes, I am sure they exist, but although I am a woman choosing to try to have a baby, I do not feel I was choosing to do it while single. If I had a "choice" I would be happily married. Alas , I find myself at the age of 39 with my fertility on the wain and the desire for a little one just as deep as it has always been. I am not one who wasn't sure if I wanted children, or put my career first. I am someone who would have done it at 25, if I was married. I am someone who loved passionately several times and lost and someone who loved not so much and moved on. I am someone who tried and tried to find my "true love" and future father of my children and I haven't given up, not by a long shot. So when they say "single mother by choice" I say "mother by choice" and that is who I am.

Comments

  • gladyssmbcgladyssmbc Posts: 35
    Agree!
    Motherhood is a choice, being single isn't.
    The condition of being single or married is not directly related to motherhood.
    I am just a woman who wants to be a mom, so "Mother by choice" works perfectly fine for me.
  • ellamonaellamona Posts: 41
    I partly agree. I'd have been happily married as well. However I've made different choices than you did. I wasn't ready until around 35, and wouldn't have made as good as as mom as I now feel I can be. I've really landed now, I'm more grounded, and can selflessly give to a much greater degree than I believe I could back in my 20ies.
    So, in my mid/late 30ies, after years of fending men off, I learned that suddenly my market value had decreased. Also being a white woman living in Asia for the past 6 years has it's downfalls. It's very difficult to find quality men here, especially if simultaneously being picky. I rather be single and happy, than in a relationship that will make one, two or more people unhappy. Rather single and strong than divorce and put a child in the middle. As I don't want to waste my (or others') time kissing frogs that don't turn into princes, I figured I better take care of motherhood while I can on my own. Thus doing it while being single really IS a choice. Now life is unpredictable and has no guarantees, people get together, they marry, have kids, do it the traditional way, and then divorce... Or one spouse dies. Or... Or... Of course this is not a rule, but it happens. Likewise, while I understand that having a child might seem like a burden for some future partners of mine, it's also as possible that I DO meet someone and end up in a more "regular" family setting.
    For now though, my focus is to stay healthy, make sure my child will be born into a positive, healthy, and strong, albeit SMALL family. Right now my focus is HER, not chasing down a potential partner.
    What's meant to be is meant to be. Whatever life has in storage for me will be taken, when offered.
    Hoping that my expected Zoë will one day have a second parent too! :)
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