Where's my daddy?

december_baby2012december_baby2012 Posts: 18
in Single Mothers by Choice
I am in the beginning stages of this process while I have so many concerns because im 37, single and plan to keep this life changing endeavor to myself I suddenly had a wake up call... And it wasn't about how I was going to take care of my child... But what do I tell my child when he/she asks me where/who is my father???

What is put on the birth certificate.... If any of you wonderful supportive Gals have any suggestions, experiences etc... I'd love to hear from you.....

P.S. I am single now l, but do hope that I will eventually find a man worthy of keeping around :)

Comments

  • austingurlaustingurl Posts: 202
    I am not sure if I am the one who should be answering this question as I have no real experience. I am still in the process of TTC so all I can tell you is my plan for if that happens.

    Basically, I plan to be completely honest with any child and explain that children are concieved in different ways and a doctor helped me get pregnant. Basically, explain the process in a age appropriate manner and give more details as they get older.

    I am a social worker so I have read a lot about child/parent interactions and have worked with families in crisis a lot. My professional experience tells me that once you lie to a child about something as big as how they were conceived and who their father is, the parent/child relationship suffers a lot so I just don't want to lie to any child. Plus, my extended family knows how I am getting pregnant so any child of mine would find out eventually and I don't want my child to find out from someone else.

    I also picked an open donor so any child I conceive will have at least one form of contact with their biological father and will be able to get some questions answered. In addition, I will definately do the sibling registry so they can know any siblings and have some form of paternal family and paternal ties.

    Basically, my plan is open and honest. I am also really lucky to have some great male friends and male family members who will be able to take on the male role model role and I hope this will ease the feelings of missing a father.
  • eeh876eeh876 Posts: 168
    Not to ride on austingurl's coattails, but I agree 100% with everything she said. ;-)

    Meeting with a counselor was a requirement of my insurance, and she was helpful. She also stressed the importance of honesty.

    I'm also still TTC, but I've been reading some single mom blogs, and they always referred to a donor with their kids, as opposed to a Dad. They started telling their children the story of their birth long before they could actually understand, both to practice what to say and so that there would never be a "big moment" when it was time to tell their child.

    I also went the way of an open donor and am planning on registering with the sibling donor registry. And my brother, father, male roommate and male friends will be there for my child.

    As for the birth certificate, I think I read that you leave it blank for Dad, but I'm not absolutely sure.

    Good luck, you two!
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