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Question for Christian Singles

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    Dolores...welcome to the boards and good luck at your doctors appointment. Hang in there...God is good.
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    D: AMEN, SISTER!!! Hope is what these threads are all about... be sure to join the facebook group... it's a closed group so you have to apply to join.

    Good luck and blessings to you... I am currently waiting for my surge so I can have my 2nd IUI... and, hopefully, my last for a while!!
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    My appt didn't go well. My OB told me she is against me having children since I have a blood clotting disorder and I could die.

    I've had repeated DVT's and one PE. Almost died. Then a few months later, had a ruptured ovarian cyst which caused internal bleeding and almost died again.

    She is concerned. I've been kind of down, not answering calls from anyone, called out of work Friday and didn't attend church today because I just need to work on this with God alone.
    I will be seeing my primary tomorrow to get her opinion and then I will make an appt with my hematologist to get his opinion.

    Never once before they put me on a blood thinner did they warn me I could never have children.
    I will be checking on this!

    I have put this at the throne of grace and told God how disappointed I am in him for allowing others to live out my dreams but I feel like he is holding back on me.

    I got it off my chest and I feel better and will let him guide my footsteps. I am going to go through with my decision to do IUI as long as the hematologist has no problem. Then I will contact my OB and give her my decision since she left it up to me.

    Now my only other problem...I can barely make it through a pap smear (still a 37 yr old virgin) without pain and embarrassment, how will I make it through more exams and childbirth LOL OL
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    D: The same way we make it through any other trial and tribulation... PRAY about it. Remember, when things get tough, it means that the blessing is CLOSE... I'm back from my second IUI and waiting for my blessing to come...
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    Amen sister. I pray the Lord blesses your womb and that you report good news in two weeks.

    Spoke with my primary...someone was right, she couldn't offer much help. She told me to keep my appointment with the hematologist next Monday, and I will. She says she has never heard about the Coumadin patients being told not to ever get pregnant, but understands in my case why my OB told me this. But she wishes me well with my decision.

    I will also get my hematologist to go over my reports from all of the lab works he did to find out if this is hereditary, genetic, blah blah blah.

    I'm seriously thinking of waiting until the first of the year to do this with money being short at the moment and trying to get my bills under control before I bring another life into the fold. Once I do that I can start this process. I might be able to get a handle by October of this year as long as I don't buy anymore Michael Jackson memorabilia LOL

    I am so excited about your IUI. I'm waiting for the day I can get mine done or do home insemination....I'm so ready.

    If anyone wants to converse off the board since I don't come here but to check this thread, my email is msdizzydolores@yahoo.com

    Dolores
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    I have been struggling with this same question. All your words have really helped me to feel comfortable with my decision.
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    Dreabug...hello and welcome to the boards!
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    I had a very disturbing conversation with my priest yesterday. I wanted to make an appointment with him and I told him the reason and he shook his head and said no no you can't do that. He said "you are not married" I said "No I am not". He said most priests would scream at me for talking about this. He said that this is right up there with tying your tubes etc. I asked him what is a single woman approaching 37 to do to have kids? He told me to make an appointment this week to talk.
    My mother is furious. I am not furious but I am upset because I do go to church regularly and I have a relationship with God. So does this mean my child and I won't be welcome in the church? I think I am going to meet with him to hear what he has to say but I am wondering if it is maybe best not to meet him. Any suggestions? Btw, my church has a K-12 school and my plan was to send my child there. I guess I am very naive and may have to rethink my child's plans and mine.
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    Meet with him. Be prayerful...and research the Word. Give him Scriptures he might pull out at you...and give him what God said...not what man says. Nowhere in the word does God specifically state we cannot have children...Yes, he would prefer for them to be created within the boundaries of marriage...but as you mentioned and many of us have as well...what do we do when we don't have a man in our lives, and we do not want to just sleep with a man (fornication) just to produce a child?

    That is more sinful than you using someone's sperm to produce a child. I can tell you right now, they will tell you that you are committing adultery for using a man's sperm and not being married...priest have been telling other single women this exact same thing who are on the path we are.

    As my mom said when I talked to her about my decision (she is a Pastor), if your heart doesn't condemn you...then the Lord who is greater than your heart is not condemning you...

    Make sure God is giving you peace about your decision, pray and go to the appointment. Do not get defensive. You do not want to give the enemy the upper hand with your emotions. Also realize that if they plan on excommunicating you and your child or not allowing you to be a member of the flock in your areas...then you know they are NOT preaching the love of God and are themselves sinning...not you!!!!!

    Anyone who condemns something that God has not specifically allowed to be added to the Canon is adding to and taking away from the Word of God...and they will be cut off from the land of the living...that is SCRIPTURE. And God will not be mocked. I'm so sick of these man made dogma and church ordinances that have nothing to do with THE GOOD NEWS. No wonder the Body of Christ is so freaking jacked up.

    Sorry...but as a minister, hearing things like this makes my blood boil.
    Please let us know what you decide to do. But stay in prayer, fast and pray and ask God for his peace. You don't need ANYONE elses permission to do what you believe is in your right to do...only God...and if they judge you for it...then they have a much bigger entity (GOD HIMSELF) that THEY will have to contend with. Why allow their condemnation, judgment and lack of knowing the true word of God to make you be fearful? Man is man, but GOD IS GOD.

    If you truly know God, in your heart you know that what the priest is telling you is HIS and OTHER MEN'S TAKE on the situation; not God's.
    Stop looking to man to validate your desires and look to God. He is the ONLY one you need to be concerned about...if he tells you not to move forward, then I wouldn't...but if a a man or woman tell you not to....tell them to "SUCK MY SOCKS!!!"

    What God has for you, it's for you!!!!

    GOT IT? GOOD! Now move on strong warrior and do not allow this to keep you down. Trust God, but most of all, TRUST YOUR HEART and YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!
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    And I forgot...why are you explaining yourself to anyone? You don't have to. They aren't paying your bills...they are there to give you spiritual guidance...not be in your bed, your pants or anything else.

    Now I'm mad LOL LOL
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    Thank you msdizzydelores for your words. My Mom is as mad as you are!!!
    I guess the reason I am explaining it to him is because I am a practicing catholic and I wanted to speak with my priest, who I have a relationship with, I guess because I wanted the support of my parish. I am constantly thinking about what its going to be like when I go in on a Sunday with a belly and no husband. I know it shouldn't matter what anyone thinks and ultimately my meeting with him will not sway my decision. I am 100% sure of my decision. I don't understand why it is not accepted by the Catholic church. I mean wasn't Mary a virgin when she conceived? It wasn't Joeseph's sperm, right? So I don't get it.
    As of today I think I will meet with him but that could change. I am going to sit with it for a bit before I make the call for the appointment. I don't believe God would judge or condemn me for wanting a child so badly that I took this step bc why then would there be so many wonderful options and procedures for women? Has anyone had a conversation with a priest and any experience to share?
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    Jana: Girlfriend, I respect you wanting to talk it over with your priest... however, if you have peace in your soul, and it seems that you do, be prepared to do WHATEVER it takes to KEEP that peace... God does NOT condemn... MAN does that.

    And, as has been pointed out here... Jesus is, technically, donor conceived... NOBODY laid with Mary to make her conceive, did they? If His son was born that way, why would He condemn you? I am like you... these options He would not have allowed us to find out about IF he did not want us to.
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    I LOVE this post.

    I am a single christian woman. I have no interest in dating at the moment. I am divorced so I know the makings of a relationship in and out..lol.

    What I don't know is what its like to be a mother. :(

    God has blessed me with a job, roof over my head and support for me and the baby he blesses my life with. So I am going for it!!

    Initially I thought I was being impatient but then I thought, no, its the desire of my heart. God has lead me through many struggles in life. You can't tell me he can't handle me and a baby. Our God is a mighty God!!!

    For all you single Christian moms out there you have all my prayers and support for a happy healthy baby!!!!
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    Update...

    I have decided not to speak with my priest at this point. I spoke with a friend who called a friend of his who is a monsignor at a nearby church. He said that the church's guidelines considers this morally wrong but that if I feel in my heart that this is what I am going to do that basically just do it. Me and my child will not be excommunicated and my child can be christened. The Msgnr also said if I do speak with my priest he will try and talk me out of it. I don't want to get into an uncomfortable situation so I will not be making the appointment. Anyway, I feel in my heart I am making the right choice and that's what matters.
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    Well, see I came in a little late into this conversation. Am a single christian mother of a gorgeous healthy 5 year old boy. At the time I did the incemination I wasn't a christian yet, neither was I single. But if I had to do all over again, I wouldn't change a thing. The only sort of guild I have from time to time as I see my child grow, is how will he react when he finds out how he was conceived. Also, I wonder if he will be okay accepting the fact that he can't meet his father until he turns 18, unless some sort of miracle happens...and I certainly have faith and hope that a miracle will come his way. Not for me, but for my son's sake!
    Amen
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    I was very excited about finding these forums. I have gotten negative feedback from other Christians about using a donor. My concern is what people are going to think at my church(my father is the Pastor). I don't want to explain how I got pregnant to anyone. My 6th IUI is Tuesday(10/6/09) and I really believe this is going to be the one. Pray for me! Anyway, I don't really care about others opinions about using a donor, but at the same time I don't feel it's any of their business. I just don't want them looking down on me like I not living what I believe. What to do?
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    I am bumping this post in case there are any other women out there dealing with this issue. I know that my own pastor exclaimed that I could be getting pregnant from a crazy person, or a person's whose whole family is crazy. He is not in support of my decision to use donor sperm to get pregnant as a single person because, in his words, "he doesn't really know about it or undesrtand it." But, as I stated to him on several different occassions, I'm at peace with this decision and God has answered my prayers each and every step of the way!!!! I know that this is the right decision for me, with our without his blessing.
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    it's frustrating- to say the least. i am a roman catholic and it is against our religion. i struggled with this when i chose to begin this process- alot! i even went to the vatican website to look up their definition of conception and for us it is 2fold- part biological and the other unitive(close to that). i then talked to my priest and b/c i did not have the physical act of having sex with someone, my baby- donor baby- would not be accepted into the church! the unitive part refers to conception as a physical manifestation of a couple's love. well let me tell you- as i'm sure so many of us feel- i love this baby more than many who have one. i could go sleep with some joe blow- and not LOVE them- but the baby would be accepted into the church for the simple fact i had sex!

    i'm past this and have begun to question my faith and what i would do once i am pregnant. i feel if i get pregnant, i cannot go back to my church. believing in God is not about a building.
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    Hi teachertracys, I feel you. I am pentecostal, which is a very strict Christian faith. And my pastor, just happened to give a sermon on Sunday about how a family is a man and a woman. The definition of family to him is a man a woman. That is what God intended. I just ignored him and the message. Well, we all know that's not the case. How many men have walked out on women and left them to be single moms. Or how many men have passed away, through no fault of their own, and their wives or girlfriends have had to raise the child alone. Are those families, no longer families?

    Anyway, I have not begun to question my faith. I simply underestand that some people's interpetations of the Bible and what God requires of us may be different. If, after my baby comes, it appears my pastor cannot accept my child, I will change churches. One of the ladies I work with, her husband is in a pastor in the same type of church that I'm a member of and he has no problem with my decision. I will go to a church where the people are more open-minded and more understanding. Hopefully, it won't come to that. But, if it does,oh well!!!!
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    I am so glad this post was brought up again. I am Christian, but do not go to church where I presently live. (But as stated and I also believe, God is not about a building.) I was brought up believing that a family consisted of the typical nuclear family, which rarely exists today, whose purpose was to glorify God and spread His love. I believe this purpose can be done as a single mother, or as parental influence combination using donor sperm.

    This summer, as I began actively pursuing the process; I had dinner with a friend. She was a strong believer, a faithful Catholic, a retired teacher, and one of the wisest women I have known. She brought up the subject with me about having children even though I was single; knowing it was one of many desires in my life. I proceeded to tell her of my ideas, not sure of how she would react. We discussed many issues I was wrestling with in my decision. She wholeheartedly supported the idea; God has given us the ability to help in some of the miracles He created. Her greatest joy in life was being a mother of 3 children, a grandmother and she agreed that the one thing closest to pure,unadulterated love was that of a mother with her child or seeing the true innocence of childhood. At the time, my friend was fighting cancer. During my first 2ww, my friend's prognosis turned and her main concern was my pursuit...always being a model of faith and unselfish love, she was concerned for others.

    Faith/Christianity/religion is not a church. Parenthood is not a right, but a gift. We are all given opportunites for gifts and happiness in our lives. It is free will that gives us the opportunity and intelligence that helps us make appropriate decisions for our lives, and God's blessing is on those who love others as He loved us.
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    I am glad to see this thread too. :)
    One of the things that I dread talking about with other Christians IRL is this.
    I often wonder if I will get an idle lecture on how babies are meant to be in husband-wife couplings or that what I am trying to do is considered 'worldly.'

    Many times I see 'the lecture' from Christians who already have kids. :(
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    this certainly is a discussion isn't it? another issue to add to the already difficult process- more to consider.

    @cmgentryb-i should say i am questioning my choice of religion, not my faith. oops. thinking through all this, i'm thinking maybe i don't need a building/priest/etc, i can just be spiritual. what irritates me is the lack of consistency within the religion. if it supposed to so traditional and embedded in specific beliefs, why the differences. i, too, know of another catholic priest who would baptize my baby if it happens. crazy! so it seems like they are using their personal opinion to decide. i would change to that church too but i would really feel like i wouldn't be able to do it, if there was so much drama about it. i don't know- i am having a hard time putting this into words. i guess it just frustrates me so much.(found a coworker is pregnant today- we all know how that goes...ugh!)i also agree with you about the definition of a family. i am a teacher and see all kinds of families- some do it well and others not so much.my thought has always been, if i can love a child, provide for it, set a good example, and raise it to be successful and a productive, moral citizen then what difference does it make how it got here??? like someone else said- jesus was donor conceived- hypocritical!
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    @LoriB, you are blessed to have your friend to support you. I have that as well. My best friend since I was 12 years old is gonna be there for me. She and her husband have three kids of their own and we always talked about raising our children together. Well, I lovingly refer to her as my "baby's daddy." And I run all my decisions by her and we talk about it. It's really cool to have that support.

    @Lydia I have been very discerning about the people I've discussed this with IRL. I only discussed it with those extremely close to me. I've gotten two or three negative responses and the lectures about family and me being single. I simply tell them that it's easy for them to take that attitude since they all have children. I also tell them that God is providing the suppot base that I need and that my child will be well adjusted. I simply stand by my conviction and once I know how they feel about it, I no longer speak to them about it. And if I have to remove them from my life altogether once my baby comes, I will. My pastor is a little more difficult to excommunicate as he was more a surrogate father than just a pastor. But for the sake of my baby, I'll break ties with him as well if he's going to have a negative attitude toward my baby.

    @teacthertracys I completely understand your feelings on this. I skipped church today because I'm questionhing whether to change churches and even thought about not going back to church at all. But, I know that for me, I can't stop my church attendance. I love corporate worship and also sharing my love of God with other Christians. I've realized not everyone is as close-minded as your priest and my pastor. So, I would just find another church if need be. But I completely understand how you feel and wouldn't blame you if you didn't go back to church. But, pray about it and let God lead you. I totally agree about Mary being inseminated. When I told my pastor that, he said, yeah but with the Holy Ghost. Your donor's family are probably all crazy. And I thought how absolutely ignorant of you to say that. But you know what, I ignored him. I believe God is in complete suppot of my dcision,. He has answered my prayer every step of the way in every situation throughoout this process. Keep the faith! And don't let the ignorant people out there discourage you.
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