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child's feeling

VVNJMOMVVNJMOM Posts: 45
in Single Mothers by Choice
Hi all:

I’m single and will be turning 40 the end of May and am set to have my first IUI mid May. I have always said I would give my self until I am 40 to meet someone and if not, I’m having a child/children on m own. I have thought this over for the last year, done plenty of reading/research and thought I was all set to go. I’m starting to panic a bit though now. My main concern is how the child will feel knowing that it was a donor baby. I don’t plan on keeping it a secret. Any advice?

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    LloriLlori Posts: 12
    hi - I'm 46 and gave birth to twin daughters 6 mo ago- by choice. I have no great words of wisdom, only to let you know there are lots of support groups. Single by Choice is one. I have the same fears that you have - will they be mad? Will there always be a hole? Is this selfish on my part? I know...really I do. I have a large family and lots of friends and I'm hoping and praying that honesty, love, love, love and support will suround them and keep them feeling secure and whole. I may meet someone who might fill that "daddy" role- you never know...
    But if that doesn't happen- I will do everything humanly possible lessen the impact. They are the joy of my life....I can't even put it into words. I am already searching for siblings of my donor hoping that might help down the road so they know they're not alone and maybe half bro or sis might provide a feeling of more family on their father's side. Best of luck to you.
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    hannahahannaha Posts: 71
    I have the same concern as your gals. I turned 40 last Oct. I'm still trying to have baby as SMC..:).

    From my own perception, my friends don't change much with time even they have big family with many kids. I'm the only single one left in the group who change much comparing to who i was in the younger years. However, I have not regreted that I'm still single.

    The most regretful thing in my life is never have my own children by any mean such as marriage or SMC. So I'm doing my best in this process.

    How our children feel, will depend on how we, ourself feel and confident about what we are doing. For outside people (not my bro & my mom), I don't tell any body about IUI and donor. However, i don't hide this fact from my kids one day.

    I always believe that kids will look up to their mom first and learn to growth with time, basing on their mom personalities and persception of life.

    As a mother, I want my kids to be strong, confident, positive no matter what negative things will come to their life later.

    Having children is the most joyful and miracles of life which deserves all respects and protection anyway anyhow.

    God Bless Us All.
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    VVNJMOMVVNJMOM Posts: 45
    Thank you both for your response. Since I posted I was able to track down some books and done some additinal reading and I am feeling much better. I'm back to being excited! I will try my first IUI next month.
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    ualtiggerualtigger Posts: 589
    I don't think it will be an issue... they only need to know that they are loved.
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    hadounihadouni Posts: 9
    I'm a soon to be 38 year old SMC. My son, the joy, joy, joy of my life was born in November.

    I worry a lot about how he'll feel growing up without a dad and I'm one of those who hopes that I can make up for it with lots of love and support.

    I joined the Sibling Registry and have seen how much and many children of DI want to know where they come from. I've considered doing a DNA test to get more ancestry information but am not decided about that yet.

    I don't regret using DS to have my son or that I chose an anonymous donor. I feel like I chose the best donor I could.
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