Anonymous v. Open (or both!)

hemalishahemalisha Posts: 6
in LGBTQ+ Couples
hey everyone,

we're trying to finalize our donor choices. We're using 2 different donors...so our kids will be mixed race. we ultimately want open donors, but the selection of south asian donors is limited, and the one we really like is listed as anonymous...

thing is...both the white donor and the south asian donor say in the audio interview that they're open to the idea of contact in the future and understand that's natural for a kid to be curious and want to know more about them... they also both understand that 20 years from now is a long time and they could be anywhere in life...

bottom line...one said OPEN and one said ANONYMOUS when it came to the final paperwork...

We're thinking way ahead...and wondering whether it's a bad idea to have one "OPEN" and one ANONYMOUS donor in terms of how our kids will feel about those words on paper...(regardless of what might actually happen with contact in the future)

any parents navigate anything like this yet? would love feedback...

Comments

  • thesnowawaythesnowaway Posts: 31
    Hmmm.. that is a dilemma. You really take a chance either way b/c if the donor is anonymous, he can choose to be open later. Likewise, an open donor can change his mind (it isn't like ccb can force him to have contact). In my mind, choosing an open donor increased our chances of him being open, since there are no guarantees.

    Even if you had two open donors, you'd face a similar dilemma, you know? And if you're set on two donors, you'll always have the chance that one donor will be open to contact, and the other not.

    My partner is Asian and I'm white, and we chose an Asian donor for both of us, so I definitely understand that the supply is limited!

    Good luck with your choice!
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