Open vs anonymous

MamaLauraMamaLaura Posts: 29
in Selecting a Sperm Donor
How important is a donor's status (open or anonymous) to you when making your selection?

Comments

  • ryanhlryanhl Posts: 116
    MamaLaura,
    I really wanted an open donor so that my child could contact him when he/she grew up. I used an open donor for my first 2 IUI's. (Those didn't work). When I went to the 3rd IUI, I found that there wasn't very many choices when I used open donors. I ended up using an anonymous donor because his looks/traits/personality seemed similar to mine. For me it came down to the fact that there just weren't that many choices when using open donors. I wish you the best of luck with your decision. :)
  • MamaLauraMamaLaura Posts: 29
    That's what I'm finding as well, regarding the options being few.

    I have my top three favorite donors. Two of them don't have any vials available right now, and they're both open. The third does has vials, but he's anonymous. I plan on inseminating this summer, so if the two open donors aren't available by then, I'll go with the anonymous donor.

    Part of me thinks it's important for the child to be able to contact the donor when he/she is older, but then at the same time, I wonder what kind of relationship they could even expect to have with the donor. It's not as though it's someone I once had a relationship with, who chose not to be involved when finding out I was pregnant, and may later change his mind. I doubt these donors do it because they WANT contact with the children later, ya know? But of course the ones who are open, are obviously open to the idea.

    I'm just stuck. I keep asking myself if maybe I should just settle on a donor I like less, just because he happens to be open. I'm not sure what should have more weight when choosing. What do I think is more important... Going with a donor that my child could contact someday IF they want to, or going with a donor that has traits that I really admire and looks that blend with the rest of my family.

    Hopefully this question will get some more responses and help me form a solid opinion. Thanks for your input ryanhl.
  • ArkmomArkmom Posts: 92
    I don't worry too much about my child not being able to have a deep and lasting relationship with the donor, because from what I have read, that's not what most donor conceived kids want. Mostly they want more information about the donor's life, family, medical history and accomplishments, and to know that he feels he did a good thing. That is something I think most open donors will be willing and able to provide.
  • MamaLauraMamaLaura Posts: 29
    Thanks for that perspective, Arkmom.

    Do you know of where I could possibly read stories of donor children and how they feel?
  • ArkmomArkmom Posts: 92
    MamaLaura:

    I would start with the donor conception network. I'm not sure of the url, but you can google them. The DSR yahoogroup is also one place to hear from donor conceived people, but be warned, the atmosphere there can be a little hostile towards parents, especially those of us who don't agree that all sperm banks should be regulated to the point of going out of business. There may also be some articles on the DSR website that would be helpful.
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