Iui vs adoption

baby67890baby67890 Posts: 156
in Single Mothers by Choice
Which is better for me I have medical issues that may keep me from adopting a baby. But from doing an iui because I have no restorations

Comments

  • baby67890baby67890 Posts: 156
    so what do u think I should do am leaning toward iui but i need more advise.
  • lookingforwardtobeingamotherlookingforwardtobeingamother Posts: 109
    I think adopting is great. What is restorations? How does it affect your IUI?
  • BanditBandit Posts: 348
    Yes baby what is restorations. Did you talk to someone about adoption? There are a ton of kids out their that need to be adopted, not sure if you are looking for an infant or older child. Good luck with what you decide.
  • ellamonaellamona Posts: 41
    I always wanted to adopt. It's a humanitarian thing to do. There are so many children suffering in the world, whom could benefit from opportunities otherwise deprived them. I, a Swede living abroad, cannot do it though. Sweden is incredibly strict w rules and regulations (for the best for the child I understand, but for me frustrating). You have to go through a 6 month parental course in your home county I'm officially "emigrated" however, thus do not belong to one, nor am I covered under the Swedish (otherwise awesome) welfare system as I'm not paying taxes there - need to pay taxes to Sweden for two years to be covered again. Also understandable as otherwise Swedish citizens could easily live abroad pay taxes abroad, but go to Sweden to benefit form free healthcare, or for the 16 months maternity leave, or 80% unemployment payments etc... but again it complicates my situation. The adoption process itself takes 2+ years (bureaucracy and screenings, tests, bla, bla). It costs a minimum of close to US$100,000 (IUI much cheaper – to compare I’ve spent US$20,000 on 5 IUIs – vials, hospital fees, tickets to-from Bangkok where I had it done, and housing costs while in Thailand), and lastly many (but not all) countries to adopt from do not accept single mothers. Sweden is also VERY particular w the countries/orphanages/etc they work with to ensure that child trafficking etc is not taking place. Apparently many countries in the west have adopted children that were kidnapped and sold from Vietnam to foreign adoption agencies for example (?). On top of that Swedish adoption agencies have a cap of 42 years of age. Which I’d be close to exceeding even if I moved back today (I’m 39 – tuning 40 in April next year). All of the above + the pain of having to go through court to get the adoption legalized simply just is too much for someone who doesn’t roll in money, nor is very keen on moving back “home” (yet anyway).

    To me “blood” was never as important as the desire to give myself, to share myself, and to dedicate my life towards someone else, as opposed to the egocentric life of “just myself”. I’m ready for another level of commitment, responsibility, love and care. I am sure I’d love a child just as much regardless if my body fed it before it was born or if someone else’s did.

    As adoption is not an option for me, my second choice was IUI (third would have been IVF). I feel very fortunate to be 16w+6days today and I hope (knock on wood) that it’ll stay good. My tripe DNA/chromosome test came back negative today, thus I don’t need to worry about Down’s, Patau or Edward’s syndrome. Phew!

    To sum it up, I’d fully recommend adoption if you can and hope that you get the support you need with whatever decision you make! Do some thorough research and find out what you can do.

    Good luck. God bless you and may you be as fortunate as me – via IVF, IUI or adoption.

    P.S. Neither I understand what you mean w "restorations"?
  • baby67890baby67890 Posts: 156
    well I talked to someone today and they said should be to adopt but its on case by case basis which does not make me happy. I have been depressed in the past I talked to my therapist she/he said that iui is safe even with the drugs am on.
  • ellamonaellamona Posts: 41
    well, if you are/have been depressed i'd say work on that first so you are FULLY there (emotionally, mentally, psychologically) for your child when he/she comes. you need to be fully there, positive and strong to deal w parenthood and all it's challenges as well as to raise the child to become a healthy strong, positive human being. children do what we DO not what we say. if you say you love your child but always let your head hang down, your child will pick that up. thy are like sponges.

    i have studied a lot of psychology. i am also a teacher and see all the time how children pick up behavior and feelings, rather than words. perhaps you are not, but if you are, please don't look at getting a child as a exit out of depression. depression is about you. a baby won't fix a broken limb, neither will he/she fix other problems you have. a baby will only temporarily help you out of depression.

    please don't get angry, i'm not trying to be ruthless and cruel, of course i'm not sure about your personal history. i am not trying to attack you, and i'm not saying that you should give up on your thoughts of having a child. don't! just make sure that YOU feel good about yourself and that you feel WHOLE first so you are capable to selflessly give yourself 100% to your child. for your child's happiness sake.

    it is proven that people only get a temporary high/low when life events throw us "off course" (accident causing a loss of a limb, winning the lottery, getting married, getting the promotion you worked hard for and wanted half your life, having a child, death in the family, and so on) after an adaptation phase we fall back to our "base level" of happiness. thus this base level is what you need to work on (study martin seligman, tal ben shahar, shawn achor, sonja lyubomirsky, and more, to get easily digested info on this subject)

    sorry if i went off a tangent.

    good luck with yourself. your happiness. and your future family, be it adopted or via IUI....

    XX
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