A TTC Vent

Omesaara

I'm really sorry for posting this here, but I honestly do not know where else I can share this without being judged! :( I feel so alone, but I think you can all relate.

I am constantly surrounded by pregnant women! It seems any time I turn around, they are EVERYWHERE. And I personally, at ANY given time, know at LEAST 3 friends or family members who are expecting. Sometimes I feel like I am God's joke...like everyone around me gets pregnant with no problem except for me.

Well, I have a friend at work (I'll call her Jay) who is a few years younger than me and single...and a few years back she suffered a miscarriage with her boyfriend at the time, and she has never really gotten over it completely. We also have ANOTHER friend (I'll call her Ann) at work who just recently announced that she is expecting.

Well, first of all, Ann and her husband only just MET 4 years ago and have been married for a year and a half, TTC for 5 months before conceiving. Me, on the other hand...TTC for nearly 8 years. So I've been trying for twice as long as she has even KNOWN her spouse...and she had the NERVE to try to tell me that, after THREE MONTHS of unsuccessful TTC, that she knew "EXACTLY" how I felt. I'm sorry...3 months of TTC versus 8 YEARS? No, that is NO comparison, and you have NO idea what I'm going through.

So then, of course, she gets pregnant in December after 5 months of TTC, and now that is ALL she talks about! Jay and I are avoiding her like the plague because she will find a way to work it into ANY conversation AT ALL...no joke! I go to ask her if I can make a photocopy in her room, she brings it up. I say hi in the hallway, she brings it up. We talk to our boss about testing, she brings it up!!!! I understand she is excited, but not EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD revolves around HER PREGNANCY!

And yes, I fully realize I am overly sensitive to this, but I have had MANY conversations with her in the past about what I have been going through, and I have even broken down in tears in front of her, so she KNOWS full well what a sensitive subject this is to me!

And then today she did something I really could NOT comprehend. She actually had the nerve to ask Jay and I if we wanted to go baby clothes shopping with her...she said "I know you don't need any, but it might be a fun girl's outing."

WTF?!?!?! Is that NOT completely insensitive and selfish?!?! Asking the girl who had a miscarriage 2 years ago and has never had a baby, and the girl she knows has been actively and desperately TTC for the past 8 years to no avail to help YOU with your BABY SHOPPING?!?!

I don't even know what to say or do about this. It is clear to me that she absolutely is NOT thinking about anyone but herself here. I was so upset all day that I was in tears on several occasions...(I am sure part of this is due to the mood swings since I am on Clomid, but still...)

What would you do? Part of me wants to let her know (GENTLY) that she is being insensitive, but I am afraid she will take it as we are not happy for her, and that is NOT the case at all...we just don't want it shoved in our faces ALL THE TIME. There ARE other things going on in life right now that don't deal with her and her pregnancy!!!

:(

I'm just very unhappy today...

Thanks for listening!

jturcotte

I am so sorry for your pain. We too feel that everywhere you look there are pregnant women and babies... taunting us and flaunting what it feels like we'll never have.

I don't have issues at work but I do have problems with my family that make me want to scream!!! My husband and I have been TTC for a few years and just last year found out that he has no sperm so our only option would be using a donor. Around the same time that we find this out my younger brother announces that has knocked up his girlfriend. They have only been !dating! a few months and are both unemployed and live off their parents and unemployment checks! And they have the audacity to tell me and my husband that their pregnancy is a gift from God and what God wanted, I am sorry but for that to be true would also mean that God did not want my husband and me to have a child. Back in November my family threw them a baby shower and my husband and I could not bring ourselves to attend, which really upset my mother and aunt who proceeded to tell me how selfish I was being!!! They had their baby in December and I still can't even bring myself to call them and they only live 30 min away. There is a lot more to this story but I can only vent so much without losing it.

I feel that you are completely justified to tell your co-worker " Although I am very happy for you and your husband and want nothing but the best for you, please understand just how painful this is for me. I would appreciate if you would respect my feelings and refrain from discussing your pregnancy with me and around me. I do not mean this be an insult in any way and it does not diminish my love for you and your child but at this time I am struggling with an extremely difficult situation and I need to put my own needs for emotional health and sanity first. I hope you can understand."

smaciegracie

I don't think anyone will ever understand exactly how you feel, but I have a similar feeling and situation at work. I've been hoping for a baby 8 years this year. I'm single and didn't have boyfriend but a few of those years. I would just hope and pray and nothing would happen. Then I waited for awhile hoping the right guy would come along but he didn't. In 2008 I began having inseminations with donor sperm and finally fell pregnant in in the fall of 09. I lost that baby (a boy) in February of this year. It's been hard as hell to deal with. I was right at the fourth month when I saw his little foot and toes hanging outside of my body. I have often thought that this is some sort of joke. There's a girl at work who's due date is the same week as mine was. We used to talk everyday through email about baby stuff, but now that I've lost mine it's hard on me. She continues to email me about baby stuff. On top of that she's also having a boy, another girl at work is due this month with a boy, and I work at a family practice and talk to pregnant people who remind me everday of what I lost. I've talked to other people who have lost a pregnancy and they say "Oh, I know how you feel." No, they really don't know how I feel. They are married and didn't have to purchase sperm or have the need for fertility medications...they spend thousands and thousands to have get pregnant. They had family support or support from a spouse. That's not the same. I'm just going to be as strong as I can and try again. My family keeps telling me to wait, but they don't understand. I don't really have the extra money to depart with, but I'm determined to get a baby in my arms. I hope you don't give up. As far as that coworker goes, maybe you should just be stern with her..."I don't want to hear this today." I continue to send email responses to that coworker...it hurts, but I'm trying not to be bitter.

smaciegracie

Sorry, I forgot to proof read. I meant they didn't have to spend thousands of dollars to get pregnant.