Bearly approaching contained chaos with one child and suddenly fighting the desire to have another?

ArkmomArkmom Posts: 92
in Single Mothers by Choice
Since about the age of nineteen I have had a strong desire to have a child that about age of 27 had build into an aching need boardering on obcession. When my son came along, that desire was completely releived/satisfied. Now, five months later, just as I am starting to get what I have redefined as an adequate nights sleep (about 6-7 hours) almost every night, I find myself starting to feel those feels again.

Frankly, I'm disappointed. I had really hope that I was putting that nagging endless longing behind me for good. I love my son very much and am enjoying being a mom, but their are good reasons (medical and financial) for keeping my family small.

I would like to hear from others who have experienced this. Is it a hormonal response? Does it go away?

Comments

  • vegaschicvegaschic Posts: 37
    arkmom, you and I are in EXACTLY the same baby boat. except I didn't feel this BEFORE my first son. I'm 36 and I always had it at the back of my mind that I wanted to be a mother someday, but I never actually stopped my life to think about it and actually do it. I was busy living (what was a really exciting life at the time) and then all the sudden OOOOps.. two lines on a pregnancy stick!

    My life got thrown the biggest unexpected curve ball ever. But now that I have my son, I feel that "need" to have another. I was almost fine not having any, because I didn't know what I was missing, but now that I have one, I want another. I laugh with my friends about how children are like potato chips- you can't just have one. =)

    My son is 21 months old and he just started "sleeping through the night" at 19 months. AND because I went so long with interrupted sleep, I can't even sleep anymore. And because of the economy, I'm making a significantly less amount of money each month. And I struggle all the time with the "daily grind" of keeping up with all the work it takes to raise a child.

    BUT then here I am, wanting another. My life is already so challenging. And financially I'd be setting myself up for a struggle, but here I am doing it anyway. I don't want my son to grow up alone. Now that I have one child, I won't be "content" until I have another....

    maybe that will feeling will continue even after I have another one? LOL I don't know, but by then it will be too late. Being that I'm already 36 and alone, there is no way I'll be able to have more two. I'm exhausted and don't even know how I'll keep up with two, when I'm having a hard enough time trying to keep up with one!

    But then I think of all these things about how it gets easier. By the time I have another baby, my son will be able to put on his shoes all by himself and he will be potty trained around then too... so I feel like I"m setting myself up for a real challenge for the next couple years, but that after I get past those, it will get easier and all be worth it. I can meet "Mr. Right" at any time in my life, but I can't make a brother or sister for my son forever. So, I'm doing what I've always done my whole life- just dive right in and figure out the rest later!!!!!!!!!!

    I have a nice home and I have it all "fixed up" for kids now and I saved all the "baby stuff", so i already have a HUGE head start. And having one more will NOT be as "life altering" as having the first one. I'm already "stuck at home" when I'm not working now, so I'll just be stuck at home longer now. =)

    I'm just worried about the daycare expenses.. but I then I think those won't last forever. The kids will be in real school before I now it. And I'm lucky because my parents live close and they are retired. But I still take my son to a home daycare a couple days a week. So, if I have another I'll be putting them BOTH in care two days a week and that alone will be 800$ a month!!!!!!! OUCH!

    I just don't want my son to grow up alone. He's so cool and I love him so much, I just want him to have a "buddy". I dont want him to wake up on christmas morning alone every year just because him mom couldn't figure out who she wanted to be with! =) And I feel those feelings and emotions over=riding any other rational thoughts. *the reason I'm not even telling my family that I'm doing this until I get that BFP!*
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