Dating & Honesty while TTC as a single woman

Kerrikerby

Just wanted to share a recent experience (and background).

I'm 39, had my 1st (unsuccessful) IUI few weeks ago and will continue trying.

I met a guy/friend several months ago at church and shared with him at the time my plans for becoming an SMC.

We've been on a few dates recently and we have lots of chemistry and share similiar values, morals, upbringing and goals for marriage & children.

Lastnight, I decided to go ahead and reiterate to him (wasnt sure if he remembered when I told him months ago ... but he did) my plans to be a mother and the means i'm going about doing it right now.

I wanted all the cards on the table, esp since things seem to be going well .... even though it's so soon.

He's okay with everything I shared with him. I told him I'm not looking for "approval" or "opinions" ... rather I'm just sharing what my plans are.

He said, "While I'd love to ask you to wait, I won't". I said, "Good, because I won't wait, since waiting is what I've done with all my past relationships, leaving me still single and wanting to be a mother." He understood.

I gave him one of many scenarios: "I get pregnant via donor, you're okay with it all, we get married, and you help raise the kid and we have more kids, if possible." He didn't seem to flinch on that thought.

Essentially he said (and I agreed): "We have something here, I like you, I see potential where i haven't felt this in a long time, and let's just take each day as it comes. God's plan is already set for us so let's not challenge, rather embrace it and go with it."

Just wanted to share this with my fellow TTC'ers

Kerri ---

leiat

Go ahead with your plans. I am 40 and waited -dated - waited dated - wasted time.

I will be a single mother by choice and my BF knows that just like he knows his opinion does NOT count.

ryanhl

Kerrikerby,
That's a wonderful story. I'm so happy for you. Thanks for sharing.....it brings the rest of us hope.
Heather

hannaha

Kerrikerby,
Your story makes me laughed..:). If I was you, I ask for his sperms, so I can save some money...:). But watch out for STD...:). Just practical thinking here.. also I'm cheap in personality.

Butterfly

Hanna,

hahaha I had thought the same thing as u about asking him for his sperm, or better yet--having sex with him If I really liked him, thought he was really worth it and knew for a fact that he is STD free. lol ;)

hannaha

Yep Butterfly,
I have a fun similiar story like Kerri, but not happy ending, because the guy initially said Yes to give me free sperm, but then cancel it at the end. That leads me to CBB in 12/08...:).

Kerrikerby

Ladies, you crack me up with your suggestions ..... if it were just THAT easy to say, "hey new guy, lemme have ur sperm if ur STD-free."

obviously, there's the long term factor of his responsibility, or not, once the baby is born. and we're too new into this rel'ship for me to decipher if he's "the man i want to be the father of my child ..... and/or husband".

BUT, all that said, for you ladies who are reading, so far so GOOD with my relationship with Steve. we spent the entire day together yesterday for his BIRTHDAY. it's still so new. but has promising feelings.

i will keep you posted on how things progress w/my next IUI in early April and/or my rel'ship with Steve. Thx for listening ......

Kerri ----
the 39 yr old dating chick who's on her 2nd IUI.

hannaha

Thanks Kerri for very cute story,
You're right that there are many factors to ask/or not to ask him.

However, no matter whatever decision you make, wish you always feel happy and enjoy any moments of that relationship...:). Don't worry too much, let things evolves spontaneously.

I'm 40 years old, and prepare for my 3rd IUI coming next week.
Good Bless Us All.
Haha..:). this is my inborn name, last name = first name = hahaha..:).

CANDICE1594

I have a similiar story but at the time I told him I was 5 week pregnant. He was amazing in his support. I miscarried last week and start to the process for my 3rd IUI. Over the weekend he totally changed his attitude towards me. At one point even made an comment that this round was a problem. I have decided that I have waited and dated too long. I am very excited for the 3rd go around b/c I know it is going to work. I also started accupuncture the week I miscarried at my doctor's encouragement. In my opinion he can come around and accept my decision or he can move on but I am not going to let him stress me out.

hannaha

Hey Candice,
Sometimes in life, at the special moment when we are lost and despaired, we can see things clearer, and don't be hurted when some one we think that special, is not as such...:).

Don't worry about him because when you really need him, but he turns his back, so does it worth to long for successful relationship, think/care/and love yourself.

I strongly believe that you are good to get pregnant again, make sure progesterone is good for next round.

Also, I've been reading that Royal Jelly is very good to enhance the quality of the eggs. I hear a lot of successful stories about it. I've been taking Royal Jelly everyday from now on. They said that IVF people often take Royal Jelly three months before IVF.

God Bless Us All.

jrials

I can totally understand where you ladies are coming from! I am 37 soon to be 38 in may. I am having my third IUI in early April. I have "waited and dated" far too long. It seems like ttcing and dating just dont mix!! But it is hard leveling with men and sharing this choice. But like it was said their "opinions' dont matter. I am sort of seeing a man, he's divorces, and he is raising his 2 youngest kids of 4. But he has already had a vasectomy. He totally supports my decision and understands. Well i am ready for my BFP!!!