1st timer- Need Support!

Jamwilson12Jamwilson12 Posts: 19
in Single Mothers by Choice
I am getting ready to make the biggest decision of my life.. becoming a mother via artificial insemination using donor sperm. I am 30 years old, single, and no children. I have longed to be a mother but just havent found the right man to share my life with. I have thought about this for over a year now, and have decided that next year is my YEAR! No more waiting-- people have said I should wait till im a little older, but wait on what, a MAN? Thats crazy. Im scared going at it alone and excited all at the same time. Anyone have a smiliar situation? Or advice? What should I expect with the insemination process? Anything I can do to better prepare for a success rate? I have not been diagnosed with fertility issues, and considering im only 30, I am hoping that it will not take too long for a BFP.

Comments

  • hopefulheatherhopefulheather Posts: 25
    Hello

    I am new to all of this too and am 31 and single. I plan to start trying to get a BFP next May or June. If you feel now is the time then I wouldn't worry about what everyone around you is saying. It sounds like you've taken the time to make the decision that is right for you, and no one but you knows what that is.

    I also have not been diagnosed with fertility issues and am hoping that it will not be hard...if I'm as fertile as my mother I shouldn't have to try too hard to get that BFP. I plan to start tracking my ovulation next month so I have a few months to go off of and already talked to my doctor and she said she'll do the insemination for me.

    Good luck to you :)
  • DC808DC808 Posts: 47
    Good for you both! I, too, all but gave up trying to find "Mr. Right" (he's a myth, up there with the Loch Ness Monster and Bigfoot, IMHO LOL)

    I would start taking a quality prenatal vitamin, and supplement with calcium. Omegas are good too.

    Because of my age, I went extra careful and rid my home of all toxic sprays/cleaners/etc., and I avoided anyone smoking. My dishsoap, toothpaste, everything is safe and natural, and I did not use nail polish because of the dbp and phthalates, known to be bad for fertility.
    I'm not sure if this all helped me or not, but since I got a BFP on my first attempt at 39, I'm not going to say it didn't help LOL.

    The IUI process is really NO big deal, honest. It is just like a pap. The speculum and a catheter is involved, and it's done before you know it.

    Stay strong, stay healthy, stay positive :)
  • babyhopesjkbabyhopesjk Posts: 7
    Hi everyone! I am just beginning the process. I have met with an RE and done some research on banks. I think I like CCB best and am trying to plan timeline and finance. I am nervous, but really want a child. I am 34 and growing more impatient. Anyone have suggestions?
  • cballcball Posts: 0
    I was just putting the finance aspect together last night. I am running about $1,000 each cycle. My routine cycle includes one or two ultrasounds to review the size of the follicles (about $150/each), ovulation tests ($35), sperm ($525 - ouch!), clomid & some other rx($60 ish), a shot ($125?) and insemination ($145). My insurance covers some infertility treatments but only after a documented one year of trying.

    I'm 41 (can't believe it!) and am on my 4th try. As my cycle is regular and all my hormone levels are positive I didn't think it would take this long! But I guess 6-12 months is average - especially for older ladies (like me, not you). Didn't realize my egg would also be harder to penetrate.

    So my other advice is to take all the hormone tests and start tracking your cycle sooner rather than later.

    If anyone around 40 wants to comment on how long it took you to conceive I'd appreciate the feedback.

    Best of luck to all of you!
  • babyhopesjkbabyhopesjk Posts: 7
    Thanks for the info. What kind of hormone testing? I have been tracking my cycle for about 6 months and tried Ovulation tests to see if I was on target. Is there more I might be missing?
  • galegale Posts: 112
    I am close to 40 and I am still waiting for next week to see as my friends say "that IT took". I think they must think I am an animal or something, LOL. I am on my first cycle. The hormone testing is just your estrogen and FSH levels. I only had to do that once and that was before I started. My RE charges $384 for the insemination process and the ultrasounds are slightly higher at 240. I wish everyone the best of luck and hope it get a BFP next week.
  • ArkmomArkmom Posts: 92
    People who tell you you should wait longer no nothing about human fertility or in most cases, what it feels like to want a child. This reminded me so much of a topic that came up several month ago that I found me response to that ans have reposted it below:

    Sunshine (age 34) wrote: "Everyone says I have plenty of time, but I am done waiting."

    I just wanted to comment on this because we hear this all too often from judgmental and uninformed people. The truth is, no one knows how much time a woman over thirty has left to have children. The fact that you keep getting your period until you are about 50 does not mean you can have kids for all or those years. Some women may be able to get pregnant at 50 (very few indeed) but others find that it is too late for them at 35 or even younger. I have known of at lest one 33 yearold woman through another online group that was unable to have child with her own eggs and another who is 34 and has been trying without success for more than 2 years.

    I don't say this to scare or discuorage anyone, only to point out that people who confidently assure you that you have plenty of time don't have a clue what they are talking about. Further, they are making the assumption that this is a desperate or distasteful choice than cannot rightfully be made until time is crittically short to have children the "good" way. They also seem to assume that you are able to have children easily until you reach a certain limit in age, then suddenly you can't, as if you can chose to wait until the last year you are fertile and still be confident in getting pregnant at that time. The truth is your chances of getting pregnant are better at 30 than they are at 35 and better still at 25 than they are at 30. If you are sure about what you want, waiting while your chances of success go down seems counter productive to me. If I had know at 24 that I would be single and childless at 29, I would have gone ahead and had a baby then instead of waiting another 5 years.
  • Jamwilson12Jamwilson12 Posts: 19
    Thanks for all of the positive responses. It helps a lot to hear other supportive people who understand what I am going through.

    Arkmom- I am glad you reposted your response. It is so true. Everyone tells me that "oh youre so young you can wait" and I cringe when I hear that. Im 30 and the older my body gets the weaker I get and you are right they havent a clue, that age is a major factor in fertility.

    Thanks again everyone!
  • babyhopesjkbabyhopesjk Posts: 7
    Thanks for the posting Arkmom! It was great encouragement.

    Good Luck gale and thanks for the info on price and hormone levels!
  • BabyJazzBabyJazz Posts: 24
    I guess I just want to share my story and get some support too!

    I am 38 years old, single, and about to start the process of trying to conceive. I have always known that I wanted to have children. In college, 28 was the magic age. I just knew I would have settled down with the right man and had my first child by age 28. Not so. Around 28, I gave myself until age 32. If not by then, I'd do it alone. Easier said than done. A sister actually reminded me of my "promise" after I had turned 32, but I still felt like I had the time and that the right man was just around the corner.

    I come from a big family. I have five siblings but we are spread out by a few years. My next oldest sister is 6 years older. My younger sister is 7 years younger. The younger sister and I have joked about a pact over the years. If one got pregnant, the other had to get themselves pregnant shortly after...so that our kids could grow up together. (The older siblings had that luxury. Also, my mom is one of 10. My dad is one of 13. Think of all the cousins growing up together!)

    She gave birth two twins just last month, she and her husband through IVF. It is not the sole reason I have decided to move forward, but it has caused me to seriously think about and research my options. The more I read, the more I learn, the more comfortable I feel with the decision.

    I have my family and a few close friends that I know will be thrilled and happy for me and that's all I care about. Still, I cannot help imagine the questions and raised eyebrows I will get from some should I be blessed with a successful pregnancy and birth. You see, over the years I have become quite the
    career woman...or so many people think. I have a wonderful job which has put me in a good position financially and can easily have the flexibility I would need as a single mom. Not everyone knows of my of my strong desire and the orignial plan of definitely having kids someday. I have never thought of my job as a career. It's a job with a nice paycheck which is my means to live and enjoy life! Yeah...quite a few folks will be surprise. I have done just that. Lived and enjoyed life. With only myself to support, I have traveled, gone through a few nice toys, eaten out and shopped without batting an eyelash...or looking at a price tag, for that matter. Those that aren't closest to me, thinks those actions define me much more than they actually do. They will think I have lost my mind. They will think I am suddenly on a baby kick because of my sister. They will think I will end up miserable having to adapt. They will think I have made a mistake.

    Me...I am elated. I am ready. I feel like a weight has been taken off of my shoulders just from letting go of the "husband first" dream. I regret not coming to this decision / point sooner, but it's okay.

    Don't get me wrong. Every now and then something comes over me and I feel scared sh*tless, but the other feelings of joy and excitment way exceed the scary moments.

    Next Monday I get the results of my follical basal count and my 3 and 10 days FSH. I am still learning about all of these things, but I guess it will allow my doctor to steer me to the next reasonable step.
  • galegale Posts: 112
    BabyJazz, when you let go of that pipe dream to find the perfect man like you already have and I did, it seems the world gets so much easier. I will be more than happy to try to raise my child on my own than to have some jerk in my life. I commend you on your journey. My family and friends are like yours saying that I am too selfish to have a child, I wont be able to do it and I could go on and on but we will show them all . Good luck next week, I wish you the best.
  • ElisabethElisabeth Posts: 1
    Hi all
    I'm a mother of a 12yr old and strongly considering sperm donation.At 25 I decided to have my daughter,with a verbal agreement with her father.I have been a single parent from day one.My family and her dad have helped and shown us much support but I have been the one making all the choices and caring for her 24/7, its hard but very rewarding.So rewarding that I'm considering doing it again.I didn't think I would want another child, but as I get older and realize how much I have enjoyed being a mom I'm feeling that idea changing.Having been a single parent I can't stress the importance of a support network,to bounce ideas and concerns off of,you will lay awake some nights wondering if you made the right choice but that is with anything.I have worried through the years if I have deprived her of a "real" family,she knows and loves her father but he lives out of state and sees her twice a year. Her and I had a conversation the other day,she said" mom why do people think cause your a single mom I have less,I have more than alot of my friends, and you are always there for me, and we talk about stuff that my friends don't feel comfortable enough to talk to thier moms about" So it's not the single part but the ready to be a mom part that counts the most.It is a huge decsion and I just wanted to let some of you know from the perspective of someone who has done it and would do it again obviously ,that it is the scariest and most wonderful thing you'll ever do.
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