Feeling discouraged and needing a little support...

nataliemh

I had my appointment with my RE this morning that was supposed to be the start of my prep for my first IUI. I knew going in that we wouldn't be able to move forward right now, because three weeks after I made the decision to pursue donor insemination, I developed severe migratory joint pain and swelling that turned out to be reactive arthritis resulting from a strep infection. The reactive arthritis also triggered the development of plantar fasciitis so severe that for several weeks I could barely walk. Luckily, it is getting better now, and I know it could have been a lot worse - at least it wasn't rhematoid arthritis or lupus or something that would have ruled out pregnancy entirely - but as it is, the medical bills have depleted my savings and I used up all my sick time and most of my vacation time. Meanwhile, I have had no fewer than 6 friends and family members announce their pregnancies in the last 2 months. As one person I know put it, I felt like they were getting pregnant AT me. I want to be happy for my friends, but with every new announcement it felt like they were rubbing my face in my body's failure.

I am still planning on moving forward - I have 5 weeks left of weaning myself off steroids, and I have to save money back up, and probably take out a short-term disability policy so I will be able to take a decent maternity leave - and I am hoping to do my first IUI in February now. But considering that before all this happened, I was hoping to be pregnant by Christmas, and now I'm terrified at the thought of what else might go wrong to keep me from getting to do this, I'm just feeling a little emotional right now, and thought maybe some of you might have been through something similar and could offer a little hope. I just want the chance to try...

orcgirl48

Hey, Natalie, I feel for you. 2 years ago, I started IUI and tried for 6 cycles before I had to give up for financial reasons. I wasn't able to start again last year, because my company got bought out and I wasn't sure if I would have a job or money to continue. I started again 2 months ago and my second IUI with clomid and ovidrel has been a no-go - and that's just today. I can't help feeling depressed and hormonal and wondering, like you, what the heck is wrong with me that I can't conceive? Again, the financial pressure is looming, so I really only have 1 more shot this year, before I have to take some time to save my money. I feel wedged tightly between hope that I will conceive and feeling like I can't. I wish there was some guarantee. *Hugs*

flamingnerd

:( it's so hard to be sick. Sorry to hear you've been having a hard time. Stay strong!

Gracas

I so hear you Natalie about feeling discouraged. I've done 2 IUI and nothing and I'm not exactly swimming in cash. When I started I found out I had a blocked fallopian so it'll be a little harder for me to get pregnant and because of the size of the fibroid blocking it the surgery would be very invasive. I'm hoping I don't have to give up soon as I'm no spring chicken and to wait to save and try again would make my chances even slimmer. Keep the faith and hang in (I'm trying to as well). Baby dust or whatever the heck you want to call it to all. Oh, and yes, I took a short term disability policy as well. Do it sooner rather than later as many times there is a clause that you can't use it if you've had a child within the first 10 months of getting it (In other words you can't have already been pregnant and then gotten it).

nataliemh

Thank you all for the responses and support. I am slowly getting healthier, but when I tried to cut down on the prednisone, I ended up having the pain and the rash on my face come back - not as bad as before, but on the other hand I was still taking 10 mg of prednisone daily. So I am back at 15 mg per day My rheumatologist wants to look into long-term immune suppressant therapies. I am not even remotely ready to consider that - especially since that probably WOULD rule out pregnancy completely. I want to continue with the prednisone for a couple more months and try weaning off of it again, and hope that I just needed a couple more months for this to get out of my system. Honestly, post-strep reactive arthritis is what fits best for my symptoms - my bloodwork was positive for strep, and the joint pain was migratory, which is exactly how it's described on the medical websites. And those websites also say that a complete recovery can take up to a year. I keep hoping that it won't take that long, but at least I'm able to work and function now, because I couldn't over the summer at all.

I'm so sorry that your IUI's haven't been successful yet. I will keep my fingers crossed for you all! I hear you on the financial part of it. I don't even know that I will be able to afford to try more than once, so I am sincerely hoping that it works on the first attempt. I'm a social worker, so I make less that $35k a year, and my insurance covers nothing. Before my doctor talked to me about doing IUI, I was considering getting my home licensed for a foster-to-adopt placement, but as soon as he brought up the subject, I knew that I really wanted to try for a baby, and I felt like him bringing it up was kind of like fate or the hand of God or whatever you want to call it. It felt like a sign. Considering that until he brought it up, I had given up on the idea of a baby, it would just seem doubly cruel to have my chance taken away now, you know? If I try and it doesn't work, I will go back to my adoption plan and be at peace with knowing it just wasn't meant to be, but I really don't think I can live with it if I don't get the chance to try. Here's hoping it works out for all of us!!!