Dating, waiting and IUI

nriley

I would love to hear from anyone who has experienced this situation or knows someone who has. As a single 41 yr , I recently went on a few dates with someone I like who lives on the opposite coast from me, for at least the next year. I'm gearing up for another IUI soon. I dont want to wait too much longer given my age. I do like this guy and would love to consider the possibility of having a child with him instead of using a donor. Has anyone in this situation gone ahead with the donor and later fallen in love with that person and wished they had waited? OR has anyone waited on a person and wished they hadn't? I love to hear thoughts or suggestions on this dilemma!

melodywak32

I would go ahead and keep your plan to IUI. I recently just ended my 4 year relationship and I am now trying IUI because I kept waiting for my boyfriend to come around and decide he wanted children. Then after my 3rd surgery to remove endometriosis my Dr. said I need to get pregnant within the next 6 months or take shots to go into menopause. My boyfriend decided he did not want to be a dad now and that I would either have to give up my dream of being a mom and stay with him or leave and try to have a child on my own. I left. He may want a child in the future and I wouldn't be able to at that point. Then he would be the one leaving me. Moral of the story is, everything will work out the way it's supposed to but if you want a child you can't depend that this new guy will be receptive to having a child with you anytime soon or if he is fertile enough to do so. In the end, what will you regret the most?

sibling4lala

I agree to continue ur plans for IUI. You never know what will happen with this relationship and you will regret waiting if it doesn't work out.
I decided to do IUI a year ago but then decided to wait for Mr. Right. Well I've had 2 relationships since then and thought both of them would be prospective fathers for my child but they both proved me wrong.
I voiced my desire for IUI to an old boyfriend who I maintained in contact with as friends only. He offered to "help" which put me past elated because I secretly still had some feelings for him. Two cycles came and went because we both couldn't get our schedules to mesh with my ovulation dates (he lives 2 hours away from me). Finally, I was ovulating on a weekend and decided to spend the entire weekend in San Francisco, where he lives, until he let me know 3 days before the weekend that "we should wait a bit.". I'm 40 years old. I don't have "a bit". So needless to say, as soon as I ended my conversation with him, I began my search on CA Cryobank and made an appointment with my infertility clinic to have my labs done again. I will not backing out this time.

flamingnerd

I empathize with your conflicted feelings. I'm sure you know all the reasons to wait and not to wait. I'd be frank with him and tell him what's going on if you hadn't already. A long distance relationship is all about long intense talks on the phone right?

tj1004

Sorry for the REALLY late post to your question, but I just came across it. I'm 35, in the military & have basically put my life on hold for the past 16 years. Relationships have failed because either he wasn't ready or I wasn't ready, or I had to move or deploy & the guy didn't want to try to make it work or wait around, etc, etc, etc. Well, long story short, I'm tired of putting my life on hold & for once am going to be selfish & do this for me. There is currently a guy that I'm seeing. I wouldn't say we're in a relationship because he's in Alaska, I'm in Ohio & we only see each other a couple of times a year. But we talk & we're friends. I don't know if it will go beyond that, but I'm not hanging my decision to have a child on where the relationship is going to go. He's coming to visit next month and I'm going to tell him what I'm planning, but it's more of an FYI so he doesn't freak out when I change my status on FB to pregnant than a "hey, wanna have a kid with me". Plus, I have too many friends who have too many baby daddy issues that I REALLY want to avoid if I can.

Since it's been over a year, what did you decide?

tj1004

Ok, I was looking at the date you joined, not the date the message was posted, so ignore the comments about it having been a year. Hahaha.

MKS2012

I totally understand where you are coming from. That has been my issue as well. I got to a point where I realized I was focusing too much on the fatherly potential of a guy and less on the quality of our relationship. So I just decided to stop stressing about it and go it alone. I agree with Melody...things will work out. My hope is that taking the "baby daddy" piece out of the equation might actually help.

nriley

Thanks for the advice ladies. I have to agree I guess I already know the answer in my heart. I decided to get as ready as I can for the next IUI. Without any funds to do it that has put that plan on hold temporarily. I know I can't expect someone I just met to be the father of my child but it always seems like a good plan in the beginning. Thanks for sharing your stories!