Married Woman. Deciding to use DS. Advice Needed

Unknown

I'm seriously thinking of using donor sperm, but my husband is against it. We tried a TESE/IVF but had to cancel it due to an unsuccessful TESE and no back-up DS ( he is azoospermic).He wants us to travel abroad for ivf using a known donor. I'm thinking it's very expensive, might not work out, and I might develop a mild case of OHSS again :(. I would rather use CCB DS because it's less expensive, professional,and less emotionally draining. Also, i would start ttc sooner. I'm 28 years old and healthy, but I feel so impatient (ttc 3 years) and I'm afraid of missing out on being a mom. Should i use CCB and hope my husband comes around ? He keeps telling me not to worry, but infertility has taken over me mentally. Would my doctor still do IUI if he knows my husband is against it ? Is it selfish of me ? Thanks in advance for any advance. P.S. He's against it because its another man's sperm, and is afraid the child might have a psychology problem. He would rather adopt. i would want to have a child that is half of mine genetically and adopt a child in the future.

Djukiel

I would highly recommend you not using ds right now if your husband is against it. I think it would create more problems. My husband was originally against ds until we went to an adoption seminar and realized how we would have no control on how the mother took care of herself while pregnant. They could be saying one thing and doing the complete opposite. You have to take them at their word. That scared the heck out of him. I understand what it feels like to think you are running out of time. I'm 34 and felt this was my only chance. My doctor did have my husband sign consent forms to use ds, it released them from any liability. I would be surprised if not all doctors did that. I wish you luck and hope that your husband has a change of heart.

olearye

i am coming from a different twist, i actually am adopted (at birth) and now ironically i am almost 34 and about to start trying to conceive as a single mother. In addition to this, i actually located my biological mother 14 years ago and she had a difficult time wrapping her head around the fact that she gave me up for adoption and here i am a single person attempting to do it on my own, it is a weird full circle but is completely supportive.

i had a great adoption experience, my parents (my true parents being my adoptive parents) were more than i could have asked for, my biological mother was young and made the best decision for me and we now have a relationship/friendship and i have a half brother on my biological side.

I am all for adoption but i have close friends, extremely successful, loving, strong marriage and they are going on two years of waiting to adopt a baby, it is a very difficult and long road.

sorry to go into so much personal experience but i wanted to comment back on your thoughts on the baby being half of you versus adopting. my ex had a vasectomy and i wanted children and i told him of potentially going with a donor and he was freaked out about it because it was someone else's sperm in my body but i too felt that at least the child does half half of the genes as well as you having the knowledge that the pregnancy and everything was in your control. I know that I am just one person's opinion and again sorry for the long reply but i would keep talking to your husband or maybe there is a way for him to talk to others to get a different perspective. Good luck!

Unknown

Thanks so much for the advice! I really do appreciate both of your opinions. Both of you mention things for me to consider, an di really liked to read that olearye considers the real parents to be the adoptive parents. That touched my heart. If thert's anyone else who can contribute, feel free. I like details. Good luck to everyone ttc :)

Griffin2009

My husband and I will also be using a donor. I would love to share our story with you and offer any advice. Please feel free to email me at gbaby872@gmail.com.