Struggle to Select a Donor

Starling1iStarling1i Posts: 4
in Single Mothers by Choice

Hoping for some wisdom. I'm struggling to make a selection, as I flipflop back and forth. Doing this alone, there is no one to help decide with if that makes sense or to compromise with. I want a donor with similar heritage (Irish and Italian), coloring, height and frame as the men in my family but then I find myself gravitating to donors that don't tick the heritage box. I struggle with using a donor without having any connection with their differing European ethnicity. How did you decide and make your choices?? Also did you choose multiple donors? I'm planning a medicated IUI with my next cycle. Thanks in advance for any thoughts.

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Comments

  • PMWP1234PMWP1234 Posts: 14

    @Starling1i My wife and I started out looking for a specific ethnicity as well as adult photo availability but quickly realized that didn't necessarily mean we would love the donor. Ultimately the most important factors ended up being medical history of both the donor and his family, and his overall bio. We did have a back up donor, and did end up switching donors after a few cycles and a CP, but didn't go with our back up. We started over completely and switched gears a little.

    Our new donor doesn't even have adult photos available, which we initially thought was SO important. Overall we went with a donor that all around seemed like a good genetic fit (if that makes sense). The way I look at it, as long as our baby is healthy, who he/she will resemble doesn't mean much, so go with your gut and what feels right. Love will take care of the rest <3

  • Starling1iStarling1i Posts: 4

    Thank you for your thoughts-- this is very helpful. And I really appreciate you taking the time to reply.

  • SingleMomWannaBe12SingleMomWannaBe12 Posts: 2

    I’m in the same boat - any help on how to approach the selection process is much appreciated!

  • JDK17JDK17 Posts: 9

    I narrowed my choices down to the top ones (selected for intelligence and staff comments) - then I asked three very close friends to read their profiles and see if there was anything I wasn't picking up on. One of my friends pointed out a small note in a bio which made me really excited for one donor and tipped me to one of the donors. Another picked up on an apparent "egotistical" tone in another donor which helped me decide not to go with him. In the end, go with your gut. Good luck!

  • Starling1iStarling1i Posts: 4

    Thank you JDK17. I ended up narrowing down a short list with my cousin and her daughter. I asked them their thoughts and what came up from them when they looked at the profiles. Similar to your experience they pointed things that I hadn't thought of. I ended up purchasing the remaining vials from my first choice and second choice as each only had 2 remaining vials each. I am anticipating that I will need to have multiple IUIs to conceive.

  • cryo-admincryo-admin Posts: 4,547

    @Starling1i @SingleMomWannaBe12 Many clients have told us that once they narrowed down their donors to a short list, listening to the Donor Conversations helped them finalize their decision. Another perspective to think about is what you might tell your future child someday if they ask why you chose that donor. Something like a donor's love of animals may seem more important than a donor's height.

    Trust your gut! Once you hold your baby in your arms, you won't second guess which donor you chose.

    And please don't hesitate to call our Client Services team with any questions. They've helped thousands of clients with this process and are happy to help!

    Regards,

    Nicole
    California Cryobank

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