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Anonymous vs Open/ID disclosure
Chance61
Posts: 9
Those with older children do your children want to know who there paternal father is ? All children are curious honestly even as adult I'd like to know how he aged or just well being. Those that chose the anonymous donor did you have regret not choosing an open donor ? Should I close the door for my future child or leave the option for the child to choose to know more. Main dilemma is my top choice is anonymous but 2nd choice is open.
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There's a survey that was done by a group called We Are Donor Conceived that I think may shed some light on the thoughts and feelings of donor conceived adults. Here's a link to the survey results: https://www.wearedonorconceived.com/guides/survey-results/ (Keep in mind that most of these people were conceived during the 80's and 90's when anonymous donation was the norm and parents were encouraged to keep their children's genetic origins a secret.)
I spent a lot of time thinking about this too and we ended up selecting an Open donor as a result. My daughter is 19 months old so obviously not old enough to have many thoughts on the matter but I'm grateful that we chose a donor that is open to communicating with her if she has an interest when she gets older.
Thank you for sharing the link and your struggle as well with your decision. Its always best to ask for other experiences because my judgement might be clouded during this decision time.
My wife and I don’t mind choosing anonymous because we figure by the time our child turns 18, the technology will be so advanced that even if it is an anonymous donor, they would be able to find their donor’s information. I wouldn’t call the donor a father. It’s a donor, not a father.
Thank you for your perspective as well it just a bigger picture that I will approach from both sides.
There is research showing that donor kids of single mothers by choice are more likely to be interested in the donor when they turn 18 than kids of heterosexual or even homosexual couples. I read a lot on the matter as this was an important point for me and was convinced to go the ID Disclosure route. I agree that genetically it will be easier to find the donor in two decades but I think being an open donor or ID disclosure type indicates that the donor might also be interested in knowing the child which may also be important to the child. My two cents. Then there are those kids that are not interested in the donor at all. There is a movie about this - The Kids Are Alright if it helps.
There's always a time and a place for everything of course at a certain age I find it appropriate to explain as I believe in raising a child with unconditional love and honesty will generate a healthy mental well being for our child and for the family, as this leaves out "the you lied to me AND should I tell him/her in the future!"" Having an open donor leaves the door open to a reality that us human cannot cover an entire lifetime for our love children unless we choose to be selfish and only think about ourselves!!!