Open vs Anonymous Donor? How to choose??
futuresinglemom21
Posts: 15
Hello everyone. I am in the process of picking my donor. I change my mind every 5 minutes on open donor vs anonymous donor... how did you all choose? I am a single mom trying, but open to all and any insight or thought processes you all went through. I have 1 favorite that is anonymous and 2 that are open id.
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For myself I didn’t give it a second thought. I believe I owe it to my future child to give him/her the opportunity to one day communicate with the donor. I question the ethics of anonymous sperm donation (I don’t mean that as a judgment, even though it sounds judge-y). I think the child has the right to have that door left open and know that one day they may be able to get more information and answers about their own biology and background.
Hello,
I am just starting down this path as well, I too have struggled with wether I should opt for open or anonymous donor, wondering how it would affect my child (fingers crossed) in the future. After doing some research on the psychological impact it has had on children wether disclosed or anonymous donor...I ironically cam across a website “anonymousus”, stories told my donor children. Some were heartbreaking but most were inspiring. Suprisingly, one individual didn’t even know their parents used donor sperm until they opted to use Ancentry for chrismas gifts...long story short, although that donor was anonymous they found a way to contact them. It ended up working well for them, however, I can imagine not every situation will.
Good luck! @futuresinglemom21
I am an SMC and didn’t want to overthink this. In this day and age there is no such thing as an anonymous donor with all the ancestry DNA websites out there. The technology will probably only get more prevalent by the time my daughter is 18, and if she wants to figure out who he is, she probably will. I just wanted the best possible donor available, and for me he was an anonymous one.
Much of the research shows that’s its best to provide as much info as possible to your offspring as possible re: your donor, so I felt strongly about only considering open ones. The prediction is that soon, anonymous donors will not even be allowed to donate because the industry is moving towards all open donors. Yes, the dna tests basically make anonymous a moot point, but given the choice, I’d want my child to contact a donor who was open to hearing from them, versus being someone who donated anonymously and then being “found”. Good luck ilwoth your decision!
For us, my wife and I felt that it wasn't our choice whether or not our future children contacted the donor, it was theirs. So we never really even considered anonymous donors.