SMC at 24 "Now or Never" due to Endo

DA94DA94 Posts: 9
in Single Mothers by Choice

Hi All!

I am recently 24 and just 10 months ago my journey began. I had a cyst burst which resulted in emergency surgery which resulted in the discovery of my horrendous and severe case of endometriosis and recurring ovarian cysts. I've had 5 doctors tell me "now or never" for kids because they want to basically take everything out. Very long story short, I left my partner of 4 years because he was not on board, quit my job, broke my lease, and moved home and am now living with my family who is supporting me in this decision. It's been a wild year!

I'm in the process of selecting a donor and will be a part of my doctor's June "batch". Hopefully to be inseminated July/August.

I'm on this board looking for someone to relate to. I'm 24, with no partner, job, or home (of my own). I feel anxious, yet at peace. I know this is what I want to do; although it took me a while to get past the idea that it was "forced" on me due to my health issues. I want this bad enough to do all I did to make it happen. I just need a friend or someone in a similar situation to talk to.

Or advice in general! Any young moms out there?

Thanks for hearing my story and I hope to hear from some of you awesome ladies. :)

  • Dee
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Comments

  • Seeknbaby18Seeknbaby18 Posts: 14

    Hi, I’m not as young as you by far but I can totally relate. I’m a single female trying to conceive because of ongoing, numerous reproductive health issues. My doctors have said it’s “now or never” for me because they need to take everything out ASAP. I was married and going this fertility journey with someone who couldn’t handle my situation so I dumped them along the way and decided to go at this alone. My family supports me wholeheartedly in my decision because “mother” is the most important title to me. I just recently finished my first IUI and find out on Monday. I’m anxious yet super excited. Best of luck to you and everything will work out for you.

  • DA94DA94 Posts: 9

    Hi Seeknbaby18!

    Thank you so much for leaving a comment. Please know that it truly made me feel so much better knowing there is someone out there who is going through a similar situation. Of course logically I knew there were people out there but to receive a real response from someone is awesome :) That is SO exciting and I will be thinking of you! All of my positive thoughts.

  • Seeknbaby18Seeknbaby18 Posts: 14

    Hi @DA94 You are so welcome for the comment. It helps to put things into perspective when you know that there are others out there just like you. Unfortunately, I received my results today..BFN

  • DA94DA94 Posts: 9

    @Seeknbaby18

    I'm so sorry to hear that! I hope you'll continue to stay positive and I'll continue to keep you in my thoughts and one day hope to see another update from you :)

  • AuntCoco27AuntCoco27 Posts: 8

    I’m defnitely not as young as you, but I am getting ready to do this on my own. Would love someone to chat with as I start this journey. I’m 36 & I’m on my last day of provera to bring on my period. Will have IUI hopefully soon

  • DA94DA94 Posts: 9

    Hi AuntCoco27!

    Thanks for joining the conversation! Age doesn't really matter, we are all in a similar boat :) Please keep us posted. My eggs are being retrieved the week of June 11th so I'll be on here next month with some updates of my own I hope.

    -Dee

  • AuntCoco27AuntCoco27 Posts: 8

    Dee good luck with your egg retrieval if I don’t hear from you again before then. I will definitely keep you posted. Just waiting for AF to come so i can start the process :)

  • Chance61Chance61 Posts: 9
    edited May 10, 2018 2:46AM

    Trust your instinct, know where you are today wont be your forever. You'll figure things out step by step. This life is unpredictable enjoy the bumps along the way by laughing and crying but just keep pushing everything will fall into place. God bless
    I'm no mama bear yet but hopefully this year. I plan to do first iui aug/sep this year. Sending babydust and encouragement to all those out there waiting or just still figuring things out. 😊

  • Sr287678Sr287678 Posts: 24

    Hi @DA94
    I just had my 31st birthday, and a surgery right before to remove 1 rather large fibroid. Well...they found 2 more fibroids, polyps and adhesions on Fallopian tubes so severe that if it had been something they had even thought about talking about before the procedure they assure me they would have removed them.

    So here I am, 31, being told my only way to conceive is IVF, my AMH is low, I’m single, and had no intention of getting pregnancy ANY time soon lol. It took a while to cope with the news, but I knew I’d rather be a single mother than miss out on motherhood entirely. I have a great support system, although not local, but I know that ALL of the sacrifices will be well worth it.

    I’m scheduled for transfer at the end of July. And I’m overjoyed. I’ve been documenting the process with a voice recorder, something for the little one to listen to when they’re older. To help them understand WHY, I took these steps to bring them into this life.

    Wishing you all the best, but yes, you are NOT alone!

    Good luck!!

  • shadow4meshadow4me Posts: 4

    Ladies- I’m a single mother by choice and just want to say “go for it!” You will not regret it. We all grow up thinking we’ll fall in love, get married and then have a baby, but it doesn’t always work that way and that’s okay! I started my journey at 40 and became a mom at 43. I too moved home (with my parents, agh!) to be near Family. My only regret is that I wish rather than waiting for the guy, I just started my journey to motherhood sooner. Can you guys pursue motherhood now, but also freeze a bunch of eggs in case you want to use a surrogate later with a potential future partner or sperm donor? If you can give yourself that option for potential siblings down the road, you might want to do that. Good luck! Best decision I ever made.

  • DA94DA94 Posts: 9

    Hi Everyone!

    An update, and also wondering if this has happened to anyone else?

    I selected the literal last vial of donor 14950 and went through retrieval and created embryos last month. I started with 14 eggs, 3 of which made it to day 5 to PGS, and one of those came back "healthy". It was a grade C embryo. I was pretty devastated to say the least. The nurses said 11 of 14 "died" (stopped dividing) on day 3, which is when the paternal genes kick in. So in essence, I screwed myself by choosing the wrong donor. UGH.

    I will sadly not be implanting the one healthy embryo because it is EXTREMELY important for me for my kid to have a sibling. I chose a new donor today (coincidentally also got the last vial of this guy haha) and will be going through the whole damn thing again.

    Here's wishing this donor performs better!! I would love to have at least 4 healthy embryos. Update to come next month.

    -Dee

  • DA94DA94 Posts: 9

    Well.

    Speechless here.

    They retrieved 30 eggs (28 mature) and fertilized 14 using the new donor; and froze the other 14. Got the call today that none of the 14 survived to day 5.... I've never been so heartbroken. I just don't understand how this has happened to me TWICE. On all the forums I see people having issues with their embryos sticking, not developing.

    So, I am going all in at this point. I'm using the remaining vial (bought an IVF pair) of the first donor to fertilize my last 14 eggs and hope ONE makes it and is healthy. Then I will have two embryos to work with.

    If this doesn't work, I'm taking it as a sign that motherhood isn't meant for me.

    Hope to finally bring some positive news in here eventually...

    -Dee

  • DA94DA94 Posts: 9

    Also, just in case the issue is the sperm..... Please be aware before purchasing 14950 or 13299...

  • OurAdventureOurAdventure Posts: 97

    Hi Dee,
    I'm so sorry of hear of all of the struggles you've had. Do you have any updates for us?

    Wishing you the best!
    -OA

  • DA94DA94 Posts: 9

    Hi OA,

    Thank you for your message :) My unfortunate update is that none of the frozen 14 made it either. So out of 48 total (two retrievals) mature and fertilized eggs, ONE made it to PGS and was healthy. 1/48. How about those odds lol.

    I hope this can help me spread awareness for endometriosis in the future. I am 24 and very healthy. Due to the endo, my egg quality is HORRIFICALLY bad. There is never "too young" or "too soon" when it comes to dealing with your endo. Scary to think that I would have probably never have gotten pregnant in the natural world with a partner, and if I had, I predict they would not have made it.

    This has been indescribably heartbreaking... however, I am going to attempt to implant my one golden embryo in November.

    So I really do hope to have good news next month!

  • OurAdventureOurAdventure Posts: 97

    Hi @DA94 It's a true shame how little is known about Endo in the US. I wish you the best of luck, 1/48 doesn't sound good on paper, but think about how hard that little embryo has already fought, it sounds like it has some strong genes to it. Definitely keep us all updated and I wish you the very best with this!

    Best,
    OA

  • SM_Bay78SM_Bay78 Posts: 21

    Wishing you the best @DA94

    Stay strong!

  • missmamamissmama Posts: 32

    Hey there!

    Although I didn’t face EnDo, I knew a long time ago that I wanted kids. But I never found the guy. So I decided to do it on my own!

    I was 25 when I picked a donor and got pregnant. I’m a single mom by choice. I moved back in with my parents so I could take time off work after baby. I’m still with them and my daughter is 19mo. I work full time and I also take grad classes online at night.

    Feel free to email me and maybe with can chat more in depth!

    Missyvilla@live.com

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