Has anyone ever thought of you accidently running in to your either anonymous or known donors?
baby67890
Posts: 156
Even thought this extremely rare. Has anyone ever thought of you accidently running in to your either anonymous or known donors? Or even marrying him by mistake and later on you finding out the he was your donor or what if your child runs in to your donor and your child looks just like him?
What would you say to your child if you never plan to tell him/her about her father or if you or are married or get married in the future how would you handle this? What would you do if your child runs into a half sibling and has a relationship other then brother and sister relationship. Or if they meet and became friends. What would you do?
When I asked myself some of these questions I didn’t know how to answer them so if you have any thought or comments on this topic please help
What would you say to your child if you never plan to tell him/her about her father or if you or are married or get married in the future how would you handle this? What would you do if your child runs into a half sibling and has a relationship other then brother and sister relationship. Or if they meet and became friends. What would you do?
When I asked myself some of these questions I didn’t know how to answer them so if you have any thought or comments on this topic please help
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Personally I plan on letting my child know from the start that he/she is donor conceived. I've followed news/research on donor conceived people for several years now, and I'm convinced that they do have a basic right to know, want to know, and are better for knowing their genetic origins.
An unwitting romantic relationship with a half-sibling ought to be a non-issue for my child, because he/she will be empowered with the knowledge necessary to make sure that doesn't happen.
I really doubt anyone in my geographic area will have a child by the same donor, however I'd like to make mutually desired contact with half-sibling families via the donor sibling registry... occasional emails or possibly even meeting at some point.
For me to get married in the future, it'd be a prerequisite that my spouse legally adopt my child.. of course it'd be no secret that they don't share biology, as many parents and children don't today.
As for running into my donor by accident, I confess that yes, I do think about this frequently because I live very close to a campus where CA Cryobank heavily recruits, and I attend sports games and take continuing education classes on that campus. But, so what if I did? He's a wonderful, generous man who gave me an amazing gift when he chose to donate. The best way I can thank him is to respect his anonymity and not get all crazy octo-mom on him.
As for marrying him by coincidence, my donor is perhaps 20, and will just be starting out in life. I am 38, have enjoyed very successful careers, and am in a very, very, very different place. Further, I don't have any romantic feelings or misconceptions toward my donor. In fact, I feel maternal toward him - if that makes sense. I just think of him as an incredibly sweet kid, who sounds incredibly sweet in his interview, with that altogether too rare quality of having an abudance of heart in today's world. (Talkin' bout donor 11690 - wish all donors were so sweet)
As a single mother, I consider getting to know half-siblings *essential* for health reasons - so many news stories about donors with offspring sharing common problems! While I don't need deep relationships with anyone, I've already become very attached in an unexpected way with one lovely couple who are expecting a future half-sibling - I am someone very interested in their success as a family! She, her partner and her baby are constantly in my thoughts and prayers for a safe and healthy birth. I do hope to meet their child one day, and they can meet my twins. She's already calling them "cousins", and I like that a lot :-)
You might want to invest in a book on this subject. I found one that I really like, titled something like "Knock Yourself Up"; it reviews how one woman chose to handle things, and retells the stories of others. I like it.