new job worries

hugo2013hugo2013 Posts: 2
in Single Mothers by Choice
Hi there -I'm 42, divorced and single, am at the point of selecting the donor (99% sure which one) and now have to weigh a potential new job and interstate move!! Ugh. It took years after my divorce to get professionally back on track, with job prospects and most importantly - health insurance. So, I started down this route (after closing out EHarmony, etc) about 8 months ago (tests, clinic comparisons, etc). I am stressing about starting IUI before I know about this potential job and wanted to share. My entire immediate family is weighing in on this decision with me - including reviewing donors, which is actually kinda fun, but also a wee bit stressful!

The dilemma: new job, permanent employment, sig wage increase, interstate move, early fall timeline, no family nearby that region VS continued possible soft money contracts (knowledge sector), some family nearby but not dependable, $$$ area to live without permanent higher paying job, and I own a house here. Do I start IUI right away or wait til I know about the job? I'm healthy, fit and all medical tests are good. I am back and forth on this daily... so annoying. Job interview is mid-June. Thoughts?

Comments

  • BanditBandit Posts: 348
    Hugo... All those are good questions. Not sure where to start or how to answer that. I am a single mom by choice, going to be 44 in about a month. I have a 8 month old. Right now I live in Boston with no family around. When I started this journey about 2 years ago, I was okay with not living near family. I had a job that I liked, more the people than what I was doing. It was getting stale. After my son was born (he came early as I had Pre - eclampysia and HELLP). My mom was here for 5 weeks while he was in the NICU and then went home for a week, and came back for 4 more weeks. Since Hunter has come home from the NICU he is thriving, but I miss my family they are 1500 miles away. I have friends and neighbors but they are not family. . I went back to work in Feb and in March my company laid me off. I decided to move closer to them even though I have friends here, a house that I love and a really good SINGLE mom's network. I have opportunities here that I am not sure are the same in FL. I guess what I am saying is get pregnant you are not getting any younger, that is what my sister in law said. A job is a job even if it is a great opportunity.

    I cannot begin to tell you the joy he has brought into my life. Yes I do not have a job but will start to look for one at the end of the summer. I sold my house, I moving some place that I am not sure I am going to like because my ENTIRE family is in Florida. You can hire babysitters but I hate to say it family is family.

    Start IUI it could take awhile or it could happen really fast. My other suggestions, have some acupuncture appointments, messages and start IUI. Do not stress because that can cause issues with getting pregnant. Relax enjoy the ride. It can not harm you to go to the interview think long and hard.

    I feel things happen for a reason, ie my son coming early, losing my job etc. I hope this helps. Good luck and keep us up to date.
  • hugo2013hugo2013 Posts: 2
    Thanks for your comments, Anissa. And thank you for sharing your experience. I wish you the best with this move to FL, proximity to family and job seeking, etc!! I will continue to think hard about all of this, but am moving forward. Today I heard on NPR that 40% of the breadwinners with kids are single women, head of household. It's a new record. There's a lot of us out there. Best of luck and thank you again for sharing your experience and advice.
  • BanditBandit Posts: 348
    Hugo keep us posted on what you are planning on doing. It is a lot of change for us and I would not change hiim for the world. He is an amazing little boy and I am lucky to have him. I can always find a job, a place to live but he is one of my best accomplishments, even when he is screaming at 3 am.
  • austingurl123austingurl123 Posts: 35
    Hugo,

    It's a touch choice. I switched jobs in middle of TTC. I didn't have to move, so it wasn't the biggest decision, but it was still tough. I had been at my job for 12 years. I had years of vacation, sick and overtime saved that I had never used. I was so tempted to stay there, even though I was unhappy, because if I got pregnant, then I could take months off with the baby. But, the new job was a better long term opportunity, better pay, and something I would enjoy when I was burnt out at my previous job. I started TTC in Sept 2011. I had my first IUI in Nov. 2011. In Dec, I switched to my new job. It turned into the best decision ever. I had to skip IUI in Dec because I was out of state at training, but I went right back to trying in Jan. It turned out my new job covered infertility treatments, so that saved me a ton of money. I got preg in March and miscarriged. I got preg again in July and gave birth at 23 weeks 6 days in Dec. The day I gave birth is the exact day I became eligible for FMLA (1 year from my start day). It was not fun because my daughter spent 4 months in NICU. At my previous job, I had the time to take all that off and then some when she came home. At my new job, I went back to work at 6 weeks to save leave for when she came home. She came home in April and I could only take an additional 3 weeks off. That was hard. But, my new job is 8-5 so I get to spend more time with her in the evenings. I worked a ton of overtime in my previous job. I am happier and not tired all the time. They covered my treatments and meds. And my bosses were amazing to me, letting me leave work early and take long lunches to spend time in NICU with her. As long as my work was getting done, they had no problem with me coming and going as needed. I also live only 2 hours from family, but my mom doesn't drive in Austin (where I live) so it might have been another state. It was hard to go through a lot of things on my own...miscarriage, NICU, etc. But I worked it out and my family came often to see us. I really don't have answer but I will say switching jobs was good for me.
    I would def go to the interview. Try to get a feel for the company, see if they will be flexible with dr visits and such. Find out about their benefits and see if it's a job that will make you happy. If so, then you just need to decide what's best. GOod luck.
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